


In with the old, out with the new

by dont_hate_me01



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Agnosia, Attempted Murder, Brain Damage, Bullying, Clay Spenser Whump, Gen, Harassment, Seizures, Service Dogs, Todds Paralysis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:26:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_hate_me01/pseuds/dont_hate_me01
Summary: When an old SEAL team member gets placed on Bravo team, it causes problems for their youngest. Clay gets shunted by his brothers, might get kicked off the team, and that’s only the start of his problems.
Comments: 268
Kudos: 650





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **AN 1:** To **allyhope** who is responsible for planting this little seed of an idea in my muse's head, I hope you will enjoy this story!  
>  **AN 2:** To the amazing, [RoboFoxtrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboFoxtrot), thank you for agreeing to help me out with the beta side of things on this fic. You did a fantastic job on this first chapter, fighting it into shape.  
>  **AN 3:** This is a WIP and will take a while to complete. Please be patient.

Eric scanned the group of people in the room and silently sighed. He’d been in the Navy for more than twenty years. Hell, it had been almost thirty years, and in all that time, there wasn’t a group such as Bravo, who had kept him on his toes, and at the same time made all of his hair go gray.

His gaze landed on the _rookie_ , before he mentally slapped himself behind the head. Clay Spenser was no longer the rookie. He was a seasoned Tier One SEAL, and Eric knew that one day he would be named with the best.

Clay was busy describing something to his best friend, Sonny Quinn. If anyone had told Eric a year and a half ago, that Sonny would become friends with a guy ten years his junior, Eric would’ve laughed at them, and yet, it became true. They still ripped at one another but it was out of camaraderie, and not out of animosity.

Eric looked on as Cerberus sat silently next to his dad and handler, Brock. Those two were a unit, well, except if you put Clay in the mix. Then, the poor dog had real difficulty in choosing. Luckily, Brock had no problem with _sharing_ Cerb with Clay. At least they knew that Clay was safe when the dog was nearby.

Cerberus went down on his belly, looked over his shoulder, and Eric smiled as the dog sighed. He stared at Brock until the man looked down, and then Cerb slowly turned his head so that he stared at Clay. He then stared at Brock again.

Eric waited for Brock’s reaction and he smiled when Brock rolled his eyes and with a small nod of his head Cerberus darted off. With a single jump he landed right on Clay’s lap. Cerberus licked Clay twice in the face, pushing Clay back into his chair so that he had more space to lie down, before he settled himself on Clay’s lap.

And what did Clay do? He merely laughed at Sonny’s antics, kissed the dog on the head and made sure to lean back so that Cerberus would be comfortable on his lap.

Eric caught Brock’s eye and he smirked. “I’m not sure who’s going to miss who the most.”

Brock shrugged. “I can’t say either. Luckily we’ve got Face time.” He grinned.

Eric laughed. “You do realize that Cerberus will only need you to make the call and the rest of the time you’ll be invisible to those two.”

Brock nodded. “If Cerb is happy, then I am too.”

“If you say so, Reynolds.” Eric slapped the K9 handler on the shoulder, and moved to the front of the briefing room.

“Listen up.” He stood with his hands at his sides and the room quieted down.

“Change of plans.” He started off and ignored the different groans he got with his statement.

“First of all, Bravo team’s deployment has been moved back until the next rotation.” That got a few frowns, but no one commented on the fact. He knew why it was, because Jason had remained silent. The Bravo team leader knew about the change, and although he hadn’t informed his team about it, the fact that he remained calm made the rest of the team to remain calm as well.

“Why?”

Eric smiled when Clay spoke up. The youngest one never failed to speak up.

“Two reasons.” Eric watched Brock, when the man nodded, he proceeded. “Brock and Cerberus have been selected to go and represent the Navy SEALS K9 unit in Germany and train with their Naval Special Forces Command for three months. They will go as an instructing pair.”

A round of cheers erupted, Brock received more than one slap on the back and even Cerberus got patted on the head by everyone in range of Clay.

Eric didn’t miss the look on Clay’s face before it morphed into a smile. He was right, the kid was going to miss Cerberus.

“What’s the second reason?” Sonny asked as the room quieted down again.

“Since you cannot deploy as an incomplete unit, you will be rotated for missions. But you will get a sixth member.”

The noise level remained intense, but more hostile at the same time. Eric glared at Jason. It was time that the Bravo lead stepped up. He caught Jason’s gaze on him and Eric returned the stare. The room quieted down.

“Anything you want to share with us, Jace?” Ray asked his best friend as he tilted his chair back so that it balanced on the back legs.

Jason sighed, glared at Eric again and stood up. “It’s not a rookie.”

“I fucking hope not, one is enough.” Sonny laughed when he saw the look on Clay’s face.

“If it’s not a rookie, then who is it?” Trent glared at the team lead.

“Tiger.”

“What? He retired out of the teams’ eons ago.” Ray leaned forward and the chair evened out on all four legs.

Jason shook his head. “Junior.”

Ray grinned and Sonny slapped the table. “Why didn’t you say so from the beginning, brother?”

Trent slapped Sonny on the shoulder and even Brock appeared relaxed. Only Clay was confused.

“Who’s Tiger? And for that matter, who’s Junior?”

Sonny stared at Clay as if he was from another planet. “You seriously telling me you have no cooking clue who Tiger is?”

“Yeah, I’m telling you I don’t know who that is.”

“And you’re called SEAL royalty.” Sonny rolled his eyes.

“I’m not, and it still doesn’t help me to know who this Tiger is.”

“Tiger’s real name is Dean Meddings. He was a Tier One operator a few years back. Did duty just after your dad, I would say,” Ray stated as he took pity on Clay.

“He got the nickname of Tiger after his team was sent on a mission to India, and a Bengal tiger decided he wanted Dean as his dinner. Long story short, Dean didn’t become cat food, although he did lose two fingers on his right hand.”

“Okay. And Junior, that his son?” Clay inquired.

“Yup. Scary son of a bitch.” Sonny grinned from ear to ear. “Take my advice, Clay, never ever try to drink with that man. He will drink you under the table, and still be ready to take on a whole enemy patrol unit on his own.”

“Which team is he?” Clay frowned. If he wasn’t a rookie, it meant that he was a SEAL team member, so he had to be with one of the other teams.

“He’s not.” Eric spoke up. “Junior left the Navy about five years ago. He’d reenlisted and the brass has requested him to consider coming back as the head of Green team. He’d requested that he wanted to go out in the field for a few months before he took up that mantle.”

“He’s taking over Adam’s job.” Clay couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice.

Eric nodded.

“When’s he coming in?” Jason got to his feet.

“He’s already stateside. Supposed to come in today.”

“Awesome.” Sonny slapped the table.

“When are you leaving?” Clay turned and look at Brock. Cerberus had left his lap and was seated right next to him on the floor.

“Sunday morning.”

“Great, it means we can go drinking Saturday night after the golf, and get Clay acquainted with Junior.” Sonny slapped Clay on the shoulder.

Eric wanted to speak up when the door to the briefing room opened up. Roars of joy erupted as a man with two cases of beer entered the room.

Clay watched as the whole team moved forward, rid the man of the cases of beer and engulfed him in fierce hugs. The man was well over six feet in height, with jet black hair, a thick mustache and beard with emerald green eyes.

Clay waited patiently for the team to greet the man before he moved forward to introduce himself. He gazed down when Cerberus blocked his way. “Boy?” Clay asked, confused. He tried to step around the dog, but Cerberus stopped him again.

“Seems someone might be jealous.” Lisa grinned. She was the only one who saw what Cerberus did.

Clay merely nodded. He had a feeling it wasn’t jealousy. Cerberus’ whole posture was stiff against his leg. He could feel the vibration in his legs as Cerberus growled deep within his chest, but so softly that the team couldn’t hear over the noise they made.

Clay went down on his haunches and scratched Cerberus’ ears. “It’s all right, boy.” He got to his feet and this time he moved around the dog. Clay stepped closer to the group and things quieted down. He reached out with his hand. “Clay Spenser.”

The man called Junior glanced at the offered hand and then at Jason.

“Ash Spenser’s kid?”

Jason nodded.

Junior returned the nod, but made no attempt to shake Clay’s hand. In fact, he turned and focused his attention back on Sonny and Ray. He started talking about the time he was still in the Navy.

Clay dropped his hand and shook his head. It seemed once again being Ash’s kid would influence how people saw him.

“Let’s get out of here.” Jason clapped his hands and everyone moved out. The team milled around the door and Clay moved backwards to let them pass. Junior was the last at the door right before Clay. He placed his hand on Clay’s chest and held him back.

Clay frowned at the motion.

“Get the beer,” Junior ordered with a smile, but his eyes were cold.

Clay nodded and turned back to pick up the two cases. The door clicked closed behind him. He looked back and found that he was alone in the room. Clay huffed, picked up the beer and carried it to the door. He placed the one case down and reached for his keycard to unlock the door. His pocket was empty.

“What the fuck?” Clay searched all of his pockets, but came up empty. He moved back to where he sat and looked around. He even went as far as to get on his knees and searched for the keycard underneath the table. Nothing.

Clay sighed. He’d forgotten his phone in his cage as it was charging, so it wasn’t as if someone would notice it in the holder outside the door and come and look to see who was in here. Because they were not briefed for a mission, he didn’t bring his laptop with him. Clay searched around the room for a landline and yelled out of frustration. The last time Jason had a tantrum, he’d destroyed the only telephone in the room and it hadn’t been replaced. The room was built with security in mind, so there wasn’t even a window he could open and get out. He was truly stuck with no way out.

What made things worse was the fact that it was Friday and after five in the afternoon. The building would in all likelihood be empty. It didn’t stop him from going to the door and banging on it. Clay even shouted, but got no reply. He was stuck until someone came into the room, or when his teammates realized he was missing and started looking for him. Clay rolled his eyes, he could already hear Sonny ripping him one for losing his access card.

Clay shrugged. Nothing much he could do now and wait. His gaze landed on the beer and he grinned. At least he had something to drink.

****

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

“Hey, where’s Pretty Boy?” Sonny asked as he returned with the first round of drinks and realized that their youngest was missing.

The team looked around but no one saw him. Sonny reached for his phone when Junior spoke up.

“Hey, Sonny do you remember the time when that RPG flew right through the scooby van’s open door and out of the window on the other side?”

Clay forgotten, Sonny pocket his phone and started telling the rest of the team about the RPG. The story had them all in stitches and they continued to reminisce about the past. Alcohol flowed freely, and time became something that no one thought about until the early hours of the following morning. By that time, no one on the team even remembered that Clay wasn’t with them.

****

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Mandy sighed and dragged her hand tiredly across her face. She couldn’t believe that she’d forgotten the file in Bravo team’s briefing room. If it wasn’t for the fact that it was necessary for an upcoming mission, she would’ve left it there until Monday morning. However, she wanted to work on it when she got plagued with insomnia so she drove to the Base and made her way to the room. She placed her phone in the holder and used her keycard and entered the room.

Mandy frowned. “Clay?” she asked surprised when she saw Bravo team’s youngest member laying belly up on the table. She had thought the room was empty. Clay had a beer in his hand and a few empty bottles strewn around.

“What are you doing here?” She walked towards the table.

“Waiting to get out.” Clay struggled to get up from the table and landed unsteadily on his feet.

“What?” Mandy was confused. “Are you telling me you’ve been here since your meeting ended?” She didn’t attend the meeting; it wasn’t necessary, but she knew it ended around five. It was now five in the morning.

“Yup.” Clay dragged his hands over his face and shuddered. He felt scruffy and dirty. He needed to get out of this place.

“Why didn’t you leave?”

Clay managed not to snipe at her. “Lost my keycard, and there’s no phone in here.” He bent over, groaning as his stiff muscles refused to fully comply with the position he wanted his body in. He picked up two bottles and moved unsteadily towards the door.

“Think you had enough.” Mandy placed her hand on his shoulder.

“I know.” He stared at the bottles and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks. “It’s not beer, Mandy.”

Many frowned and then a light went on. “Oh. Yeah, sorry.” She nodded. Twelve hours stuck in a room with no way out. She understood when he said that wasn’t beer. She moved to the table and picked up the file she came for. “Well, what do you say, let’s get out of here.” She used her card to key them out.

In the hallway, Clay stopped. “Will you do me a favor?”

Mandy smiled. She had a feeling she knew what he wanted. “Not a word to anyone?” She took a guess.

“Yeah, thank you.”

Mandy nodded and then moved down the hallway. “Go and shower, Clay, and get some sleep. See you on Monday,” she called over her shoulder.

“Thank you, again.” Clay made his way over to the team cages and let himself in. He was grateful for the fact that he didn’t need a keycard to get in and the key to his cage was in his jeans pocket. He opened up his area and reached for his phone. He knew he had to let Sonny know he was okay. The man was going to rip him apart for not answering his phone. He wondered how many text messages and missed calls he had.

Clay’s legs gave way and he landed heavily on his hammock. “Nothing.” He glared at his phone if it was possessed by a demon. It was fully charged and had a strong signal. Yet, it showed no missed calls, no text messages. His hand trembled when he reached for the button on the side and powered down his phone. Maybe there was a glitch in the system. He left it off for a few minutes, and switched it on again. Clay managed not to look at the screen as it came to life. He left it next to him on the hammock, but his phone didn’t make a sound.

Clay hung his head. Nothing. No missed calls, no messages. He knew he shouldn’t read anything into it. He wasn’t some neurotic, insecure guy. They got busy, that was all. Clay regarded his phone for another second and then rose to his feet. He needed a shower and grabbed his toiletries before he headed to the bathrooms. He would look for his access card when he got back and then he would get some sleep. The team had a round of golf scheduled for the afternoon. It meant he would get a few hours of shuteye before he would head out to meet them. Clay looked forward to the golf, he had a big wager with Sonny, and he knew he was going to win. Sonny didn’t stand a chance. With that thought, Clay got into the shower and soon forgot about the lack of calls and messages.

****

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Clay glared at his watch again. Not even three minutes had passed since the last time he’d checked. And, still the guys hadn’t arrived. Tee off was at 1205 and it was already 1200. It was really strange. He’d checked his phone again. Still no missed calls or text messages. He didn’t want to phone them, still a bit pissed off that none of them had searched for him the night before. Clay knew that he was acting a bit childish, but damn it, it hurt.

By 1300 he finally gave in and made the call. Sonny’s phone rang. Just as he thought the call wouldn’t be answered, the call went through. Except that it wasn’t Sonny’s voice that answered the phone. It was a voice he didn’t recognized and for a moment Clay thought he’d dialed the wrong number. Clay took the phone from his ear and glared at the caller ID. It showed Sonny.

“May I speak to Sonny,” Clay managed to speak up.

 _“That’s not possible right now,”_ the voice replied.

“What’s he doing?” Clay frowned.

 _“Who’s this?”_ the voice asked.

Clay frowned. His name should appear on the screen. “It’s Clay.”

 _“Ash’s kid.”_ The voice became cold.

Clay realized who it was. Junior. He had no reply to the man’s statement. He didn’t want to be known as Ash Spenser’s kid, but at the same time the man was still his father. Clay was about to speak up, when Junior beat him to it.

_“Listen, I’ll tell him you called. We’re busy playing a round of golf, and he’s having the best round of his life. I can’t give him the phone now.”_

For a moment Clay was left stunned. But even before he could respond, the call was ended. He stared at the phone flabbergasted. Without thinking he scrolled down and found the text that confirmed the arrangements for today. It was at the right place, right time.

“Fuck that.” For a split second he thought of throwing his phone, but that would mean that Jason and Blackburn wouldn’t be able to get a hold of him and he would be in trouble. But then on the other hand, it’s not as if they were looking for him now either. Clay pushed his phone into his pocket and headed home.

****

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Clay was holding a pity party for one. He was aware of the fact that he felt sorry for himself, but right at that moment, he didn’t care. It was Saturday evening and he hadn't heard a word from anyone on the team. A text from Brock informed him that his flight was at 1100 tomorrow morning. At this stage, he wasn’t sure if he was going to go and say goodbye.

A knock at his door made him turn his head, but he didn’t get off the couch. Whoever it was could leave. The knock got repeated and Clay ignored it again.

“Spenser!”

It was Sonny’s voice. For a moment Clay wanted to jump up and go and open the door, instead he reached for his phone and turning it on silent. He knew what Sonny would do. The phone was still in his hand when it started to vibrate. Clay continued to look at the screen. Sonny didn’t leave a message. Clay listened intently until he heard Sonny’s footsteps as they moved away from the door. He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes, before finally drifting off to sleep.

****

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Things were weird at the Base on Sunday morning. The guys gave him strange looks, and didn’t talk much to him. It suited Clay perfectly. He took Cerberus from Brock and went to the obstacle course where he played with the dog. When they were both tired, they sat down. Clay shared his water with Cerberus before both of them lay down on the grass and relaxed.

“You know it’s only for three months.”

Clay opened his eyes and watched as Brock took a seat next to him on the grass. He had no reply so he kept quiet.

“I am a bit jealous,” Brock added with a grin. “Cerberus has never warmed up to any of the guys like he did with you. Yes, he sees all of them as his uncles, and he will protect every one of them should the need arise, but I’m telling you, Clay that if he had to choose between you and any of them, or, even between you and me for that matter, he will choose you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Brock shook his head. “There’s no need for you to be sorry. It makes me realize how special you are. I am proud to call you my brother.”

Clay managed not to snort. He gave a small nod of his head.

Brock rose to his feet. “We need to go.” He snapped his fingers and Cerberus got to his feet. Brock placed him in his harness and attached his lead to his collar.

Clay rose to his feet as well. He opened his mouth but then closed it again.

“Something on your mind, Kid?” Brock frowned. Clay wasn’t himself. He hoped the kid wasn’t coming down with something.

“Nothing.” Clay shook his head and started walking away.

Brock stared after Clay and when Cerberus whined, he gazed down at his K9 partner. “There’s something wrong, Cerb, but I don’t know what. I’ll make sure to tell Trent to keep an eye on him.” He scratched Cerb’s ears and then followed after Clay.

The whole team waited for them at the entrance of the obstacle course. Together they made their way to where the C-17 stood on the runway. It didn’t matter that he was invited by the Special Forces in Germany, there’s no fancy flight available. Instead, a military flight had been deemed good enough.

Brock greeted each of his brothers with a fist bump and a hug. He had to hold Cerberus back when he growled at Junior. The team thought it to be funny, but Brock frowned at the action. It wasn’t something Cerb did often, and when he did, it meant he didn’t trust that person. Unfortunately, he couldn’t dwell on it as he had to get on board.

Clay stood to the side, away from the group and it bothered Brock. He hugged his younger brother hard. “Take care of yourself.” Clay nodded but didn’t respond verbally. Brock pulled away, but halted when Clay placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Clay?”

Clay opened his mouth and closed it yet again. He shook his head. “Nothing. Enjoy it over there.” He smiled.

Brock noticed that the smile didn’t reach Clay’s eyes and it made him uneasy. Before he could inquire, Sonny dragged him by the arm and he got smothered in another hug from the rest of the team.

Before he could ask anyone if they knew what was wrong with their youngest, he had to move deeper into the belly of the airplane as they were ready to take off. He wanted to kick himself for not talking to Trent. Brock made a mental note to text Trent the moment they’d reached altitude. There was something wrong with Clay and he had a feeling the sooner they found out what it was the better.

Once again, he wondered why Clay missed out on joining them on Friday night and for that matter at the golf yesterday. He wanted to call the younger man on Friday, but they started drinking and time passed in a haze. He’d thought they’d see him at the golf, but he didn’t show. Junior told them that he had personally phoned Clay after getting the number from Sonny, to let him know of the change in venue.

Brock had a feeling he should’ve asked Clay today. He wanted to kick himself for not doing that. He fired of a rapid text to Trent and hoped that by the time they’d landed in Germany, things would be sorted out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN 1:** [RoboFoxtrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboFoxtrot) was once again responsible for the beta work on this chapter. Thank you! All remaining mistakes are mine alone.
> 
> **AN 2:** This remaines a WIP and will take a while to complete.

**Bravo Team cages: 2 ½ months later**

“What the fuck, Spenser!” Jason slammed the kid hard into his cage, ignoring the way Clay grimaced as he continued with his tirade.

“You knew it was a fucking training exercise. Why the fuck did you have your principal firearm with you instead of your training firearm? If Ray dies, I will make sure you rot in hell!” Jason stepped away, moved forward and with all the power he had slammed Clay back against the cage again.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you, but I’ve had it! You’ve been fucking up for the past two months. I’ve, we’ve, given you more than enough time to get your head in the game, but you don’t give a fuck. You’re not worthy of being on Bravo Team. You’re out.” Jason balled his fist and swung it up, but at the last moment he let his hand fall. “You’re not worth it. Clear out your cage. I don’t want to see you here again. Blackburn and Harrington can deal with your ass.” He spun around and stormed to the door where he slammed it shut behind him.

The moment the door slammed shut, Clay fell to his knees. He ignored the blood that dripped from the back of his head, or that it felt as if his brain wanted to seep out of his ears. He ignored how his side throbbed and didn’t even notice the blood that oozed from beneath his t-shirt.

Clay’s whole body shook as he lay on the cold floor. He gasped for air, but his lungs refused to take oxygen in. He could feel himself hyperventilating, but couldn’t give a damn. The only thing he could concentrate on was the fact that Ray was shot. That his team accused him of shooting Ray.

The irritating ringtone of his phone made him gasp for air and he looked up to where his phone was in his cage. He knew he had to get up and answer it, but his body didn’t want to obey. Clay stayed where he was. The phone stopped ringing and then started up again. Clay knew it wouldn’t stop ringing until he answered it. Finally, he managed to get to his feet and stumbled over to his holding area.

He struggled to retrieve the key out of his pants, but eventually he managed to unlock the cage door and answered the phone.

“Sir.” His voice sounded strange to his own ears. Clay sunk down the inside of his cage. He lowered his head onto his one arm while still holding his phone in his other hand. Every word spoken over the phone pierced his heart. He tried to speak up a time or two, but in no uncertain terms was told to shut up. Not that it would’ve helped, he’d stopped trying to speak up more than a month ago. No one listened. They only blamed.

The captain made things very simple for him. He was on suspension until NCIS concluded their investigation. There would also be an internal investigation into his conduct. Until the conclusion of both investigations, he was barred from the base. It was made clear to him that he should have no contact with any member of Bravo team, their support team, or any member of Alpha, or their support team. Harrington would contact him if anything else needed to be said. The call ended and it left Clay with silence.

Clay had no idea on how long he stayed on the floor until he rose to his feet. He moved on autopilot as he packed up his cage and got rid of the pieces of gear he still had on. Clay pulled his t-shirt over his head and donned a clean one, before he bundled the clothes up, and tossed them in a bag. He didn’t even notice the blood stains on it and he continued to ignore his aching side and head. Nor did he notice the droplets of blood that now decorated his cage. When Clay was packed up, he looked around the team area for a moment. He was going to miss the team and he would never regret a moment being with them.

Clay was grateful for the fact that he managed to load his stuff into his car without meeting anyone he knew. He wouldn’t have been able to face anyone right now. Clay got into his car and drove to the security checkpoint. There they took his credentials away from him, and by the sneer on the guard’s face, Clay knew the man was aware of what had happened. As he drove off base, he couldn’t help but look back in his rearview mirror. It broke his heart. The only place he called home was now off limits to him. He would never set foot on it again.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

When Clay stopped in front of his apartment complex, he knew that he wouldn’t be staying there anymore. The Alpha and Bravo teams were a close-knit family, and he couldn’t see that Derek would want him around. With his mind made up, Clay left all the stuff from his cage in the car and headed up the flights of stairs with only his keys. He sighed a sigh of relief when he managed to get into his place without seeing a familiar face.

Clay stood still and looked around. He smiled at the memory of him and Stella when they first came and checked the place out. The estate agent thinking that they were married and how for a moment Clay thought how good that would be. But it didn’t work out, and now after a year he finally saw that they weren’t meant to be together and he’d made peace with it.

Now he had something else he had to make peace with. Something that he never thought would ever happen. Clay moved around in the apartment as he gathered clothes and shoes. A photo of him and the team made his legs go weak and he sat down heavily on the couch.

The last two months had been hell. In the beginning he sucked it up, took the ribbing, which turned physical from Meddings. He had sustained more bruises in a single hand to hand training session with Meddings, than what he did with Sonny over half a year. Meddings, sorry, Master Chief Meddings, insisted that Clay addressed him with his rank. The rest of the team thought it was funny. It was one of the first instances that Clay realized, Meddings planned on making his life hell. Unfortunately, Clay had no idea why. He’d even asked Meddings once what the problem was, but the man ignored him flat out.

Things had started to go wrong and he got blamed. He had tried to speak up, tried to tell his brothers that it wasn’t him, that he wouldn’t do things like that. That he knew better, but it was as if they’d gone hard of hearing. Things that he packed away disappeared, or damaged when taken out.

In one incident, Sonny had found his lucky hat in Clay’s cage after Clay had told him he didn’t take it. It didn’t matter how many times Clay said he had no idea where it came from, Sonny didn’t believe him and had been furious. Ray and Trent had to hold Sonny back when he wanted to beat Clay to a pulp.

Clay went to Ray’s home to talk to the man after he’d realized that Meddings was trying to make his life hell. Ray had told him he had to man up, that Meddings wasn’t bad; he had a different style of leadership that Clay had to get used to. He didn’t try and get Ray to understand, merely nodded and said he would try. Ray had slapped him on the shoulder and that was the end of that conversation.

Trent started missing medical supplies, but then they would turn up in Clay’s bag or cage. Their medic had even forced him to take a drug test to make sure he was clean. He’d thought that Trent would at least listen to him, but he hadn’t. Instead, when Clay tried to approach him to help tape up a sprained ankle after a one on one training session with Meddings, the medic told him to stop pretending and that he wasn’t hurt. That night Clay got drunk alone. The next day he had to run the obstacle course with full gear as punishment for being hungover, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He’d tried to talk to Jason, but could never find the man alone. It was as if Meddings was attached to Jason’s hip. Clay had started to ignore orders from Jason in the hope that Jason would take him on and demand from him what the hell was going on, but instead, Meddings told Jason he’ll take care of it and Jason nodded before he walked away.

It became unbearable and he started to worry that they would sideline him for missions, but that never happened. In fact, it was as if the missions were the only times things went smoothly, almost perfectly.

Clay knew the reason why as well. He teamed up with Sonny and even though his best friend had grown hostile towards him, the big Texan still had his back. Clay from his side, made sure that he always had Sonny’s back, as well as the rest of his brothers.

But it turned out he was wrong. Clay stared down at his hands. They were still tainted red with Ray’s blood. He’d tried to scrub it off, but it stayed pink. Clay closed his eyes for a moment but they snapped open. Now was not the time to think of what had happened. He got to his feet and gasped as the pain in his side made itself known. Clay pressed his hand against his side, but didn’t even bother to look down. Clay knew that if he looked, he would find a variety of bruises across his chest, sides and abdomen. There was nothing he could do about it. It would heal on its own. All the other bruises he sustained at Meddings hands healed.

Clay grabbed the last of the clothes he wanted, stuffed everything into a bag and left his apartment. He would keep the key until the finalization of the investigations and then he would hand it in. Thinking of the investigations made him grimace and gave him hope at the same time. He knew the internal investigation would find him guilty on something. Even if it was because his father was Ash Spenser.

Clay held more hope for the NCIS investigation. He would tell his side of the story, hopefully the agents would listen to him. Maybe even find evidence that proved his version of events. And Ray would back him up. But with the way things had gone, he couldn’t help but doubt if that would happen. If Ray would have his back. If NCIS cleared him, maybe his team would then believe him. But what if they didn’t?

Clay knew that the possibility was great that it might happen. He’d never reported anything that had happened. When he first realized that his own team didn’t believe him, he realized, if he took things higher, they would see him as a snitch or something even worse. His team would no longer trust him. The thing is, his team no longer trusted him in any case, and now they believed he was the one who shot Ray. He didn’t, he wouldn’t. His training firearm had the blank rounds as required; he’d loaded them himself last night. His main Glock was with him in his cage as he’d slept there. He’d taken both weapons, with the rest of his gear, to the practice area where they would run through a training exercise.

They were divided into pairs. He and Ray had partnered up. Clay loved working with Ray, the calm man always brought more insight to the training exercises. They would discuss the many scenarios before executing the best option. In nine out of ten times, they won. This time was supposed to be no different. And yet, something happened. His Glock was used to shoot Ray, and his training firearm was missing.

Clay dragged his hand over his hair. He winced when his head ached as he brushed over it. He looked at his hand, saw the red on it, but it didn’t sink in. Instead, he wiped his bloody palm off on the leg of his trousers and forgot about the blood.

He tried to remember what had happened next, but he kept on coming up blank. He’d heard the shot, it sounded wrong. He felt a sort of _thump_ to his left side and at the same time Ray fell. He’d launched forward to make sure Ray didn’t hit his head on a piece of furniture used as a prompt in the room. But then things went dark around him and when he came to, the first thing he saw, was Ray on the ground. Unconscious, with blood oozing from beneath his tactical vest. He was aware that he yelled, that he called out _cease fire_ and _man down_. He’d gotten himself next to Ray, tried to stem the bleeding, while at the same time screamed for Trent, screamed for Ray to hold on. Then the team was there and Clay thought things would be all right. He was wrong. Clay closed his eyes and shook his head as got into the Mustang. He didn’t look back as he drove out of the parking lot. It seemed like that part of his life was over.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Clay looked up as he parked his car in the parking bay furthest away from the entrance. His eye caught the time on his watch. It was almost two in the morning. The hospital parking lot was empty. He knew he was taking a chance in coming here, but he had to find out if Ray was okay. Clay looked around the empty parking lot. None of the cars he spotted were familiar, but that didn’t mean that the team wouldn’t be here.

Clay slowly got out of his car. He swayed on his feet as he stood up, but he shook the dizziness off, and made his way over to the hospital entrance. His head throbbed with each step he took. His vision blurred, in fact, it had been blurry since he opened his eyes and saw Ray down. But at that stage, it didn’t matter, it still didn’t matter. He’d gotten used to it, hell he drove around in his car with the blurred vision. He was a SEAL and a bit of blurry vision wasn’t going to slow him down. Except that he wasn’t. He wasn’t a SEAL anymore, not if the brass had their say about it. Clay knew what Jason thought about it. The team’s attitude would be the same.

His side ached in tandem with his head and he placed his hand over it. It felt warm to the touch and although he felt it, it didn’t register. He squared his shoulders and finally made his way into the hospital. It was quiet and for a moment he was grateful that the Base hospital closed down for renovations. All the patients were treated at the local hospital, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to see Ray at all.

Without being noticed, he made his way to the large board that indicated which patients were admitted to which ward. Clay was thankful that he knew where the board was located as he dated a nurse for a few months and she showed him the board once. It was how the nursing staff knew where their patients were when the computer system crashed. It was color coded. Each color represented a ward.

Clay found Ray’s name. He was on the second floor. Surgical wing. Clay ducked around the corner when he heard footsteps coming his way. He stayed hidden until they disappeared before he moved from his hiding spot. He reached the elevator unseen, but decided against taking it. He didn’t want to alert the nursing staff that someone was on the floor should the elevator ding when it stopped.

Clay spotted the stairs to the side and made his way over. This was a risky move. Medical personnel tended to use the stairs more, it was quicker. He could only hope that because it was so late, he wouldn’t come across someone.

Luck was on his side as he made his way to the second floor. The door to the stairs opened up right across from the nurses’ station. It was empty and he snuck across the passage. He had to squint to see, but he found Ray’s room number, and made his way over to the room.

Except for Ray, the room was empty and Clay stayed in the doorway, not daring to go any closer. He knew he didn’t have much time. There was a recliner next to Ray’s bed and by the bundled-up blanket, he knew Naima was close by. She most likely went to the bathroom or to get some coffee. She would have unlimited access to Ray’s room, not only because she was his wife, but she was a nurse at the same hospital.

Clay took a closer look at Ray. He had a nasal cannula for oxygen. A pulse oximeter on his finger with different monitors hooked up behind him. His face was lax and Clay knew he wasn’t in pain. He wished he knew what the damage was, but at least he knew Ray was still alive.

Clay moved back but stopped when a voice spoke up behind him.

“Came to finish the job?”

Clay lowered his head. Naima’s voice dripped with anger. He slowly turned around, but found himself unable to look her in the eye. “I’m sorry,” he managed to mumble.

“Sorry? Sorry?”

Naima pushed hard at him and Clay stumbled backwards. He didn’t lift a hand to stop her.

“You nearly killed my husband, the father to my children, and the only thing you can say is, sorry?”

Clay tried to speak up, but she beat him to the punch.

“I don’t know why you’re here, Clay, but you’re not welcome. Get out. Get out and don’t come near us again. If you don’t leave now, I will call security. I will call Jason.”

Clay nodded, took a last look at Ray and then silently left the room. When she called his name, he turned around.

“I will never forgive you for what you’ve done, Clay. You’re worse than your father.”

Clay stared at her and then turned back. The words stung and it robbed him of his breath, but he managed to keep to his feet as he made his way back down the stairs, and into his car.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Lisa glared down at her phone with a scowl. She’d been trying to get hold of Clay since the shit hit the fan. She needed to know if he was okay. Clay might have shot Ray, but it was an accident. Not for one moment did she think it was deliberate. Although, she couldn’t help wonder why he had his main Glock with him, instead of his training firearm. It was something that she didn’t understand. Clay was very particular with something like that. Something wasn’t adding up and if she could only get a hold of him and talk to him.

She wished she could ask one of the team if they’d had any contact with Clay, but she was raving mad with all of them. They had all turned on Clay, accusing him of wanting to kill Ray. It took Trent, Full Metal and Derek to pin Sonny down when he wanted to go and kill Clay with his bare hands. Jason didn’t even try to stop Sonny, he just stood there.

When she tried to ask them what the hell was wrong with them, they’d told her to get out, that she wasn’t welcome if she took Clay’s side. She didn’t even attempt to explain, but left the room immediately. She was so disappointed in them, and not only in Bravo team, but also in Blackburn. Not even the Lieutenant-Commander had tried backup Clay.

“Call me back, or send me a text if you get this message, Clay. I only want to know if you’re okay, please.” Lisa left the message and ended the call. She rose to her feet, took her keys and headed out the door. She had gone to Clay’s apartment twice, but struck out both times. She’d spoken to Trish, but Derek’s wife said she hadn’t heard or seen any sign of life coming from Clay’s apartment. Lisa had no idea where else the young man could be.

“Please be all right,” Lisa whispered to herself as she got into her car and drove back to Clay’s apartment.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Clay heard the phone next to him on the seat. It was Davis’ ringtone, but he ignored it. Just like he ignored it the previous times it rang. He didn’t want to talk to her, he didn’t want to hear how she accused him of wanting to kill Ray or how she wanted to make sure he never came back.

Clay tightened the grip he had on the steering wheel as he sat at the red traffic light and waited for it to turn green. He had no idea where he was, and he couldn’t care. The light flicked over and he pulled away.

The only thing he heard was the air horn before something slammed into the driver’s side of the Mustang. Clay felt it as the car got lifted in the air, he felt when it rolled and rolled again. He felt the pain as he got tossed like a rag doll inside of his own car and as the car landed, it skidded off the road and slammed into a lamp post. He felt the car bent around the pole as it finally came to a halt. Not being able to go anywhere else, Clay’s world darkened around him and it became quiet.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Naval Base: 2 days later**

Lisa lowered her head and cursed silently. She had learned that Clay had gone AWOL. No one knew what had happened to him, he’d disappeared into thin air. His phone didn’t even ring anymore; it was dead. She’d tried to ping his phone, but with no luck. The fact that he was missing made the rest of the base believe in his guilt. Lisa had found out quickly that she was one of very few people who was of the opinion that there had to be another explanation. Unfortunately, none of those people were Clay’s brothers.

She wished Ray would wake up. He was the only one who’d be able to say what had happened during the exercise. But he’d developed an infection and was still unconscious. Still, the doctors were optimistic that he would make a full recovery.

Sonny had gone ballistic when Naima told them that Clay had shown up at Ray’s hospital room. It was the last time anyone had seen him. The brass went as far as to place an MP in front of Ray’s room. That had angered her so much that she wanted to kill someone with her bare hands. When Sonny had asked her what was wrong, she glared at him as if he was from another planet. She’d only told him that if he didn’t know, there was no reason for her to try and explain. She’d not spoken to him, or for that matter, to any of the others since then.

Her phoned buzzed and she grabbed it without looking at the screen. “Clay?” she asked breathlessly.

_“No, it’s Brock.”_

Lisa’s shoulders sagged. “Oh, sorry,” she replied disappointed.

_“Are you all right?” For that matter, what is going on there?”_

Lisa took a deep breath. She had a feeling that between everything that happened, no one even thought of getting a hold of Brock to tell him. “I’m sorry. Things have been hectic on this side.”

_“Has Bravo spun up? That the reason why I can’t get hold of them? Or are they in trouble?”_

A sob escaped from her lips. Lisa had no idea where the tears came from. Never before had she lost control over her emotions.

_“Lisa?”_ Brock sounded confused.

“Sorry, it’s been a hell of a couple of days,” she sniffed as she answered. She took a deep breath. “There’s a lot of things I need to tell you.”

_“Everyone all right?”_

“No.” Lisa shook her head even if Brock couldn’t see her. “I need you to listen and please don’t interrupt until I’m done. Please.”

_“I’ll try my best. What’s going on, Davis?”_

With a stuttering breath, she managed to tell Brock everything that had happened. Silence greeted her from the other side of the phone. “Brock?”

_“Fuck.”_

For a moment she wondered if Brock was going to start spewing hate towards Clay as well. She was ready not only to defend Spenser, but also to end the call. She had enough of everyone blaming Clay without hearing his side of the story. But then Brock surprised her.

_“Is Ray going to be all right? And what about Clay, how is he holding up?”_

His words made her sob again. For the first time someone asked how Clay was doing. It broke her heart. “Ray is going to be fine, but Clay.” Lisa swallowed. “He went AWOL. I’ve got no idea where he is.”

_“Shit. What does Jason say? Are they looking for him?”_

Lisa snorted. She couldn’t keep the venom out of her voice as she told Brock what the team did and how they treated Clay.

_“Then I’m glad I’m coming home, it seems I need to let Cerberus loose on a few people.”_

“What? Aren’t you supposed to be coming home only in a week’s time?” Lisa picked up her diary and paged through it.

_“Yeah, but we wrapped up things earlier than expected. Since both myself and Cerb are homesick, we’ve decided to come back sooner.”_

“When are you landing?” She had no doubt that he would be on a military flight.

_“I was getting on a flight tomorrow, but after what you told me I’ll be on the next priority flight that leaves in a couple of hours. I’ll be on base by tonight.”_

Lisa’s shoulders sagged in relief. “I’ll wait for you on base.”

_“We’ll sort this out.”_

She ended the call and smiled. Finally, she had someone with her in Clay’s corner. Now she only had to find the wayward SEAL.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN 1:** Thank you to [RoboFoxtrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboFoxtrot) for all of your assistance in shaping this chapter into something readable!
> 
> **AN 2:** To [sailormade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailormade), thank you for answering some of my medical questions. 
> 
> **AN 3:** All remaining mistakes, medical and otherwise remains mine.

Doctor Alex Goodwin gazed up from the chart he had in his hands to the patient in the bed. John Doe, aged mid to late twenties. The young man who was in a coma, had been brought in two days ago unconscious, with severe injuries. It included a compound fracture of the femur, combined with a displaced fracture of the tibia in the left leg. He’d sustained a fractured pelvis; internal bleeding with injuries to his spleen, liver and right kidney. The radius and ulna bones of the right arm fractured, combined with a dislocated right shoulder. And that was still not the end of things.

He’d suffered an epidural hematoma. They had to do a trepanation to release the pressured blood buildup inside the skull, but even with that done, the intracranial pressure still increased. They were fearing possible brain damage. But that was something that they would only be able to determine once he came out of his coma. If he ever did.

The young man had also sustained deep third degree burns on his right leg before he was pulled from the wreckage. Unfortunately, the car exploded shortly thereafter and they were still awaiting the police to get back to them on a possible name for their patient.

More disturbing, was the number of bruises on his body that weren’t sustained in the collision, ranging from being a day old to at least two weeks, and some even older. Someone had used this young man as a punching bag over an extended period of time, but he had no idea why.

He had contacted the police after surgery, when what initially appeared to be a puncture wound, turned out to be a GSW. A GSW that was not sustained in the accident, and had definitely not been treated. The bullet was lodged against the seventh rib on the left. He had managed to retrieve it and had made sure to keep it for the police. The wound had already become infected and with the shock the young man now suffered, the infection and fever might be the cause of death, if none of the other injuries ended his life first.

From the numerous other scars, including at least two other GSW scars and three knife scars, Alex knew that the young man either lived a life of crime, or he was in the police or military. The problem was, his hairstyle and beard were not in line with either police or military requirements, unless he worked undercover or special forces. His bet was on the last, they were in Virginia with a large presence of Navy personnel all around them.

He turned when the door to the ICU room opened. He smiled as Nurse Blunt entered the room. “Everything arranged?”

“Yes, Doctor. The medivac helicopter will be here in an hour’s time. I’ve spoken to Washington State, they’ll be ready for our patient on the other side.” Emily sighed. “But there’s something else as well.”

Alex frowned. “You look worried.”

Emily nodded. “There are two agents here from NCIS, they want to talk to you.”

“They identified our John Doe?”

She shrugged. “They’re not the forthcoming type. Just showed their credentials and asked to speak to you.”

He nodded. “Let me go and speak to them. Please make sure he’s ready for the flight. Also, I’ve changed his fever reducer dosage, please administer that now. Call me if you need me.” With a smile he left her with their patient and made his way to his office where he knew Emily would’ve left them.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

The two agents rose to their feet when Goodwin entered the office. After introductions were made and everyone sat down again, the doctor spoke up first. “What can I do for you, agents?”

Agent Carville took out a photo and handed it to him. “Is this your patient?”

“Navy.” Alex nodded as he gazed at the photo of the young man in full uniform. He didn’t say it out loud, but he had identified his patient as a SEAL. It explained the beard, longish hair and scars. “It’s him.” He looked up. “What’s his name?”

“Petty Officer Clay Spenser.”

“Clay Spenser.” The doctor smiled. “We’ve all tried to guess, but as far as I know, no one guessed Clay.”

The two agents looked at one another. Carville spoke up again. “What’s his prognosis?”

Alex shook his head. “I can’t say. At this stage it doesn’t look good. That’s the main reason why we’re transferring him to Washington State Hospital. There he can receive the best medical care possible, but since I now know he’s Navy, I’ll inform Washington State, and if they’re of the opinion that he is stable enough, they might transfer him to Bethesda Naval Hospital.”

“We’ll be taking custody of him.”

Alex frowned. “I know it’s got nothing to do with me, but why? And what do you mean, taking custody of him? If you’re thinking of placing him in cuffs, or even cuffing him to the bed, then I’ve got to tell you, agents, I will not allow that. He’s not going anywhere. He’s in a coma, he’s not a threat to anyone.”

Carville raised his hand. “We understand, but he went AWOL and he’s wanted in connection with the attempted murder of a fellow teammate.”

He opened his mouth and closed it again. “What does it have to do with NCIS if he’s gone AWOL, and maybe he acted in self-defense?” Something inside of him wanted to make sure he protected this young man from what the agents told him. He didn’t know the young man at all, but the kid brought out the protector inside of him to life.

Carville frowned. “You don’t know what transpired, nor do you know Spenser, why would you even suggest that he acted in self-defense?”

Alex cocked his head. “You haven’t spoken to the police?” He sighed when both men shook their heads. He reached into the drawer and took out a small sample bottle. “Because of this.” He placed it on the desk.

Carville picked it up. “Where did you get it?”

“The correct question should be where did I retrieved it from? The answer – from inside Clay Spenser’s body. It was lodged against the seventh rib where I had to dig it out. We didn’t even know it was a GSW, as it presented as a puncture wound he’d sustained in the accident. It had not been treated, and the infection caused by that is one of the reason’s we’re not sure if he’s going to survive.”

“Can you estimate how old it is?”

Alex cocked his head. “I can’t tell you exactly when he sustained the GSW, but if you’re asking me if it’s an old wound, then no. That wound was still actively bleeding, it couldn’t have been more than twenty-four hours before the crash that he was shot, of that I’m pretty sure.”

Carville looked at the tiny piece of lead in the sample bottle and then at his partner. “I have a feeling we have a few extra questions to ask.” He turned his attention back to the doctor on the other side of the desk.

“We will need a statement from you.”

“No problem.” Alex settled in his chair. “I can give it to you now if you want. I can also get you a copy of Spenser’s file. I know that’s not routine, and I don’t have his permission, but that young man has been put through the wringer even before he’d been shot and I’ve treated a few SEALs in my time, none of them looked like him.”

Carville frowned. “What do you mean?” Carville refrained from asking how the doctor knew that Spenser was a SEAL.

“In short – Clay Spenser was used as someone’s punching bag. What I can’t understand, is why didn’t he, or for that matter, anyone in his team speak up, unless they’re responsible for his condition. And then, Agents, you’ve got a huge problem on your hands, because then an elite team who's supposed to protect our country is physically abusing one of their own. Before you say it could’ve been because of training, there’s no defensive bruises on him, no bruised knuckles to indicate that he fought back. If he was a child, Agent Carville, I wouldn’t have hesitated one moment to call child services. I don’t know in which unit Spenser is, but there’s something going on that you need to figure out. I don’t know this young man, and in all honesty, I may never get to know him, but I have a feeling he either shot his team mate in self-defense, or someone else is to blame for this whole thing. But what I do hope is that you get to the bottom of this and soon.”

Carville got to his feet. The sample bottle in his hand. “My partner will take down your statement, I’ve got a few things to follow up on.” He nodded and exited the office.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**NCIS OFFICES: Hours later**

Carville made his way down to the basement where their forensic expert had her lab. Abby was a Goth, weird in all things, but still brilliant. If there was one person who’d be able to assist him, it was her.

He knew he was in her domain when the elevator lift opened up and the first thing he felt was the bass of the music as it vibrated off the walls. For a moment he cringed before taking a deep breath as the electronic doors swished up and stepped in.

Abigail Sciuto stood with her back to him as she danced to the rhythm of the beat, while at the same time her fingers rolled over the keyboard in front of her. He stepped deeper into the lab and thought of a way in to get her attention, while at the same time not to cause her to jump in fright. He then remembered what Agent Gibbs did, and he walked to the wall, and pulled the plug from the socket. It had the required effect. The Goth immediately turned. Before she could scold him, he spoke up.

“I need your help.” He held up the plastic cup with the mangled piece of lead in it, and in the other hand, the confiscated Glock from Petty Officer Clay Spenser.

Abby glared at the agent and then sighed. “You always bring me interesting cases, Agent Carville.” She made grabby hands and took the items from him. She lifted an eyebrow when he didn’t move.

“Chain of custody papers?”

“Yeah, of course.” He grinned as he pulled the paper from his jacket pocket and watched as she signed for the two evidence bags.

“What do you want to know?”

“Did this slug come out of this weapon?”

Abby picked up the bottle and shook it slightly. “Badly damaged, but I can check for you.”

“Thank you.” He smiled.

She nodded. “What’s the case about?”

“SEAL shooting his team mate during a training exercise.”

Abby frowned at the information. “A trained SEAL?” She shook his head. “He was then either very stupid or it was intentional.”

Carville shrugged.

She cocked her head. “What aren’t you telling me, Agent Carville?”

“Richard.”

Abby smiled. “Richard. I’ll remember.” He was cute. “So?”

“It’s all confusing at this stage, and I’ve got a feeling that if you prove my theory right, then it’s going to become more confusing than what it already is.”

“Awesome. I like confusing. No, scrap that, I love confusing. Want to tell me more?”

Richard shook his head. “Let me keep you in suspense. I need to do a few follow up questions, and if you tell me what I want to hear, I’ll fill you in on the rest.”

“Deal.” Abby reached out and shook his hand.

Richard smiled at her again before he left. He had a group of SEALs to find and some questions to ask. He hated that Senior Chief Perry was still unconscious, it was the only man who could clear everything up. But they couldn’t wait for him to wake up, they – he had a job to do and one he always did well.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Same evening – Base Airfield: 2230**

Lisa didn’t give a damn who saw her, but the moment Brock and Cerberus stood before her, she went on her toes and hugged the dark headed man hard. She sighed as he returned the hug and appreciated it when he didn’t let go for a long time.

“Any news on Clay? And how is Ray doing?” Brock asked as Davis stepped back.

“Ray is still in hospital. Surgery went well, but he hasn’t regained consciousness. As for Clay.” She shook her head. “No news, his phone is still off.” She swallowed. “I’ve started phoning hospitals.” She lowered her head. “I couldn’t bring myself to phone the morgues.”

“He’s not dead.” Brock lifted her head and waited until she looked him in the eyes. “Clay’s not dead.”

Lisa nodded. She took a deep breath. “You’re right, he’s not dead.”

“Good. Now, let’s get going, I know I’m starving and I know Cerberus as well. Let’s get something to eat and then we can start looking for Clay together.”

She nodded again. When Brock started to walk away, she grabbed hold of his arm.

“Thank you,” she spoke up when he looked at her.

Brock nodded. “Let’s find him so that I can knock some sense into my brothers.” He still was unsure what transpired in the almost three months of him being away, and couldn’t understand that he’d missed everything. None of the others said a word, and Clay, well, it seemed the kid had become an expert in hiding stuff. That was going to stop the moment he got hold of him. Between him and Lisa and Cerberus they would get to the bottom of this mess.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Carville looked at his phone screen and with a grin he answered the call. “You’ve got something for me?”

_“The slug is pretty badly damaged, but I managed to get enough identifying marks on it to tell you, yes, it had been fired from that Glock.”_

Richard closed his eyes. Abigail Sciuto made his hunch a reality. He needed to get back to the scene where the training exercise took place. It was almost midnight. Abby really did an amazing job getting the results to him so quickly.

“If I come and pick you up, will you go to the scene with me?” He asked quickly and held his breath.

_“Do you know how late it is, Agent Carville?”_

“Richard. And yes, I do. But it’s important.” He listened as he heard her moving around and could picture her pacing the lab.

_“I’ll be waiting at security for you. But you better tell me everything.”_

Richard grinned from ear to ear. “See you in forty minutes.” He ended the call, picked up his notes and dialed a number he was told would give him what he wanted, when he wanted. When the call was answered, he got straight to the point.

“Petty Officer Davis? Agent Carville, I need access to the training house Bravo team used for their exercise. And I need it immediately.”

For a moment the Petty Officer sounded confused, but she quickly responded and he arranged to meet her in an hour and a half. It didn’t even bother him that it would be in the early hours of the morning, he had a case to solve and the sooner he did it, the better.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

“Everything okay?” Brock asked as Lisa ended the call.

“Yeah.” She looked at him. “It was the NCIS agent. He wants to see the training house.”

Brock frowned. “This time of the night? He does realize he’s not going to see much? I mean that thing gets either blown or shot up on a daily basis.”

Lisa nodded. “But, the section of the house they used was redone the day before and it was cordoned off by NCIS until they’ve done with their investigations. They have a good possibility of finding something, I’m not sure what that might be.”

Brock cocked his head. “That’s unfair.” He simulates a pout. “In all the years I’ve been on Bravo that house has never been redone. Now I’m gone for three months and it gets a makeover.”

Brock’s remark brought a smile to Lisa’s face. “You do realize that it’s only the dry walls that they replaced. Nothing else.”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s still unfair.” He got to his feet. Cerberus lifted his head, huffed at him and lowered his head back onto his paws. “Will this agent tell you if they found Clay?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him much since the first time he was here. He did interview the team, spoke to Blackburn and Harrington. Had a quick look at the training house and left again.”

Brock nodded. “Something must’ve happened for him to want to have a look again at almost two in the morning.”

“But is it good?” Lisa rose to her own feet. “You coming with?” She had to meet the agent at the gate and escort him to the training field.

Brock hummed in agreement. “I want to hear what he has to say.” He clicked his fingers and Cerberus glared at him before the dog got up.

“I know, buddy. It’s been a long day and an even longer night, but Clay needs us.” He scratched the dog’s ears.

The three of them exited the building and made their way over to the security point. They didn’t have to wait long before the dark colored sedan arrived at the gate. It went through security and when the agent got out of the car, Lisa introduced Brock and also Cerberus to Agent Carville. A petite black-haired woman got out of the car as well and stood to the side. Lisa smiled at her and watched the two men before her.

The two men stared at one another and then Brock stepped closer and hugged the agent hard. “It’s been far too long.”

Lisa frowned. “You know one another?”

Brock grinned. “Richard dated my sister many moons ago.”

“And I still want to kick myself for letting her go,” Richard responded. “You’re looking good, Brock.” He slapped the man on the back. “You finally fulfilled your dream if you hang around here.”

“I did.” Brock became serious. “You need to know, it’s my team you’re investigating.”

Richard frowned. “I didn’t come across your name.”

“I only came back from Germany a few hours back. Davis filled me in on what had happened.”

Richard nodded. “I’ll have to do an interview with you as well, and technically, you’re not supposed to be here, but I would love to have your input on things here.”

“No problem.” Brock stared at a man he once regarded as a friend. “Spenser didn’t do it.”

Richard cocked his head and then nodded. He turned to the petty officer. “I found Spenser.”

“What? Where? Is he all right?” she bombarded him with questions.

“He didn’t go AWOL.” He ignored the rest of her questions for now. He noticed the way her shoulders sagged with relief.

“Where is he?” Brock repeated Lisa’s question.

Richard sighed. “Let me take a look at the training house first and then I’ll tell you what I can. I need to see it for myself.” He slapped himself on the forehead. “Sorry, I also forgot my manners.”

He turned and indicated to the woman who came closer. “This is Abigail Sciuto. NCIS’ top forensics analyst. I asked her to come with me because she can interpret a crime scene better than any other analyst that I know, and she’s got some amazing gadgets she plays with.”

Richard introduced her to both Davis and Brock and they all laughed when Cerberus wiggled himself between Brock and Abby to get her attention. After that, the four humans and one dog made their way across the base and proceeded to the training grounds to the house that Bravo used for their disastrous training exercise.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

The first thing Abby smelled was gun powder. It hung heavy in the air and it even made her sneeze. The four of them walked through the house as Petty Officer Davis explained to them what the exercise entailed.

“The team was divided into pairs?” she asked as she stood at the place where the incident took place.

“Yes. Spenser paired up with Perry. Hayes was with Junior, while Sawyer and Quinn were together.” Lisa supplied the information.

“What was the purpose of the exercise?”

“They were practicing a standard take down procedure of multiple targets in a single-story dwelling.”

“They practice this often?” Richard asked the question.

“At least once a week if we’re not on a mission or deployed,” Brock responded. He stared down at the concrete floor. The blood stains appeared brown. He shuddered at the thought that it was Ray’s blood.

“Each scenario exactly the same?”

“No.” Brock shook his head. “Every scenario is a mixed bag. Even each practice round is different. We practice these kinds of scenarios at least five times in a row on a single day. For example, in this room we might have two operators, and two targets with a hostage, the next round it might be two operators, three targets and two hostages. We don’t keep things the same, we need to stay alert all the time. You can’t go in and expect things to be the same every time, that’s not how things will work in the real world.”

Abby hunkered next to the blood stain. “Senior Chief Perry was hit on the right side?” She’d finally gotten all the information from Carville on the way over to the base. She hasn’t said anything out loud, but there was something hinky going on.

“Yes.”

“Do you know where Petty Officer Spenser was when he called out for help?”

“From what I could gather he was right next to Ray, putting pressure on the wound.”

“And the firearm?” Abby looked at Richard.

Lisa shook her head. “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I know it was Clay’s primary Glock.”

Abby came to her feet. She turned to the SEAL. “Some teams _personalize_ their weapons, like a colored grip or the bud being a different color than the standard matt black or silver of the rest of the firearm. What about Spenser, did he do something like that?”

“All of our side arms and rifles are marked with the Bravo team insignia.” He rolled up his sleeve and showed her the small tattoo on the inside of his left forearm. “Too that, Clay’s Glock bud is a fluorescent green. His training pistol has no green bud.”

Abby nodded. The Glock Richard brought to her had a florescent green bud. “Anyone else in the team using the same color on the bud?”

“No.”

She moved to the drywall at the side where the bullet should have ended up if it was a through-and-through. There were a few dents in the wall, some black spots, but no projectile itself. She looked around but found nothing. Her eye caught the camera in the corner and Abby frowned. Why were they struggling to put all the pieces of the puzzle together if there was footage.

“Where’s the footage?” She indicated to the camera but at the same time she retrieved her laptop from her bag and sat down on the floor. She wanted to run a program on her computer which would cover all the possible angles from where the shot could’ve been fired from to where the projectile would’ve landed up afterwards.

Lisa groaned. “When the crew did the last repairs on the house the day before, they managed to damage the wiring. It didn’t work.”

“Only to this camera?” Abby asked as she typed away.

“No, all of them.”

Richard frowned. “Is it standard procedure to continue with a training exercise if the cameras are out of order?”

“Yes. Especially since body cams are more readily used these days.”

“They had body cams?” Richard wondered why this information wasn’t shared with him from the beginning.

Abby raised her head at the question.

Lisa sighed. “No.” Her eyes lingered on Brock. “It was misplaced.”

Brock cocked his head. “Clay?” It didn’t make sense to him. It was something that Lisa normally took care of.

“Explain,” Richard urged them on.

Lisa once again looked at Brock before she spoke up. “The body cams are not stored with the rest of the gear. They are kept separate due to the fact that these oafs have the tendency to throw body armor on the floor when they undress. That led to the body cams being damaged. Now it's changed. Body cams are removed directly after a mission or an exercise, and one team member is responsible for packing them away.”

“Spenser’s job?”

“Not usually,” Brock spoke up first. “When did that change?”

“Whose job was it normally?”

Lisa stared at the two men. “It was my job,” she answered the agent’s question first. “It changed about a month and a half back, I would say.”

“Why?” both men asked simultaneously.

“As punishment.” Lisa bowed her head.

“What?” Brock frowned. “Punishment for what?”

“For disobeying an order from Meddings.” Lisa sighed. “Junior does not like Clay, although if you ask any of the guys, they would deny it, but it was clear. And you know Clay, he doesn’t keep quiet, but then Junior started pulling rank and told Clay that he was insubordinate. That ruffled Clay’s feathers even more, but when he tried to complain about it, both Jason and Ray told him that Junior was a Master Chief and that any orders he gave Clay should be obeyed in the same way he obeyed their orders.” Lisa threw her hands in the air. “He even insisted on Clay addressing him on his rank. The guys thought it was a hoot, and didn’t see how negatively it impacted Clay.”

Richard lifted his hand. “There’s something more going on in this unit than this attempted murder. Unfortunately, from what I hear, it falls beyond the scope of my investigation, but this needs to be brought under the attention of the higher ups.” But Davis’ words reminded him of what Doctor Goodwin told them about the numerous bruises on Spenser’s body.

Brock nodded, but by the look on Davis’ face, he knew there was more. He made a note to ask her to tell him everything. Richard was right, there was something going on in Bravo team and whatever it was, it wasn’t good. It had torn his family of brothers apart, but it seemed that none of them had realized that.

“Okay,” Abby said as she got to her feet. “We need to look for the bullet in this area.” She indicated to the laptop screen.

“What are you looking for?” Brock inquired.

Richard answered. He didn’t want to let them know what they had found, not yet, in any case. “Senior Chief Perry’s wound was a through and through. We need the slug to compare it with ammunition fired from Petty Officer Spenser’s weapon for evidentiary value.”

Lisa swallowed hard. They were there looking for evidence to prove Clay had indeed shot Ray. Her heart ached. She nodded her head and stood back. She wasn’t going to help them look. They could do that on their own.

Richard and Abby started on the outside borders of the perimeter and worked their way inwards in a slow and meticulous manner. Except for spent shell casings, which there were plenty, they found no slug. Both of them knew what it meant and they shared a look.

Abby packed up her laptop and gave more attention to Cerberus. He was a beautiful dog. She could see the special bond he had with his handler and she suspected that they were more than team members. “Cerberus is your dog.”

Brock nodded. “I got him as a pup, raised him, trained him myself before he became a part of Bravo team. He’s more than my K9 partner, he’s my best friend.”

“How does he feel about the rest of the team?” She scratched Cerberus’ ears and smiled as he sighed at her actions.

“He sees them as his honorary uncles. Except for Clay.” Brock grinned.

“He doesn’t like him?” Abby frowned.

“No,” Lisa laughed. “Cerb sees Clay as the pup of his pack. He’s extremely protective towards the kid. I think sometimes Brock wonders to whom Cerb really belongs to.”

“Does he dislike anyone?” Richard asked as he scribbled some notes into his pocketbook.

Brock shook his head. “Those are few and far in between. It’s been a while since he last indicated that he doesn’t like someone.”

“He doesn’t like Meddings,” Lisa responded.

Brock frowned. “Don’t think that’s possible, Lisa. I mean, he came in on Friday, and we flew out on Sunday.”

“Cerberus stopped Clay from going towards the team when Junior arrived on Friday in the team room. And I heard how Trent teased Junior about Cerb growling at him when the team sent you off on Sunday. He doesn’t like the man.”

“You don’t like him either.” Abby watched the other woman.

“He’s a master chief, what I think of him is irrelevant.” She turned her attention back to the NCIS agent. “You had a look around, what do you know about Spenser? You said he didn’t go AWOL, where is he?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“He was involved in an accident and is in the hospital.”

“What? Where? When? Which hospital?” She fired all the questions at him.

“In the early hours of the morning after this incident. He was treated at a local hospital but he was airlifted to Washington State, and if they deem him stable enough, they will transfer him to Bethesda Naval Hospital.”

Lisa blanched at the agent’s words. “Airlifted, stable enough? What injuries did he sustain? Is he all right?”

“I can’t tell you much, but he’s in a coma. Get in contact with Doctor Goodwin. He’ll be able to tell you more.” Richard wrote the doctor’s number down on the back of his business card and handed it to her. “He’s alive and that’s what you need to focus on now.”

Lisa’s hands trembled when she took the card. “Thank you.”

They made their way back from the training house to where Richard had parked his car. There they split up. Brock, Cerb and Lisa went back to the base offices, while Richard and Abby got into the car. He wanted to speak up, but Abby beat him to it.

“Clay Spenser didn’t shoot his senior chief. That bullet went through the chief and got stuck in Spenser’s body.”

Richard nodded. “That’s my theory as well.”

“That clears him of attempted murder.”

“Yes, but it leaves us with several unanswered questions.”

Abby nodded. “Who pulled the trigger? Why use Spenser’s firearm? And what happened to Spenser’s training firearm?”

“What was their intention? To kill Perry; to get Spenser off the team? And why?” Richard responded with his own set of questions.

“You’ve got a hinky case on your hands, Agent Carville, Richard.” Abby smiled. “Please keep me up to date, I would love to hear what happened. And, if there’s anything else I can do for you, let me know.”

“Thanks, Abby.” Richard replied distracted. His theory proved right, but he was no closer to a possible suspect. He needed to talk to Captain Harrington and Lieutenant Commander Blackburn again. Abby was right, there was something hinky going on and he needed to find out what it was.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN 1:** Thank you again to, [RoboFoxtrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboFoxtrot) for doing the hard work in getting this chapter into shape.
> 
> **AN 2:** All remaining mistakes, medical and otherwise remains mine.

**Bethesda Naval Hospital: 3 days later (1 week after the accident)**

Lisa sat with her head bowed, her hands clenched in her lap as she silently prayed in the ICU waiting room. It had been the worst three days of her life. She and Brock had so many questions and not enough answers. They’d both figured out that there was something strange going on, something that the NCIS agent didn’t tell them.

The forensic analyst, Abby, said that Ray’s wound was a through and through, and that they were at the training house to look for the slug, a slug that they didn’t find. What did that mean? What were they not telling them?

Brock had contacted Jason and then he went to meet the team. When he returned, both he and Cerberus were in foul moods. He told her that Jason and Sonny went as far as to say that if they saw Clay, they would kill him. Not even Trent wanted to know about Clay. When he had tried to establish if they knew where Clay was, they told him that he went AWOL, and other than that, they didn’t care.

Brock had tried to explain what had happened to Clay, but he was told to drop it. That the investigators would sort things out. They were already talking among themselves to get another Bravo team member and strong hints were dropped that they wanted Junior to join them.

He’d tried to find out what had happened, why there was so much animosity towards Clay, but Jason said that he’d made a mistake, that Clay wasn’t a good fit for Bravo. That he wasn’t supposed to be a Tier One operator. That he was too young and too cocky. He’d stated that he would personally make sure that no other SEAL team, Tier One, or lower, took Clay in as a team member.

Brock had confronted Lisa about what she had seen, what she’d done and she told him what she’d noticed. That Junior went hard at Clay, that he always said that Clay was too soft, too slow and that the jokes he made were far from being funny.

That the rest of the team followed Junior blindly and the few times Clay had tried to speak up, he was shut down extremely fast. She knew he never socialized with the team anymore, that he’d lost weight, and that he had dark circles underneath his eyes due to a lack of sleep. She’d seen him hide the fact that he was in pain; she’d tried to get him to talk to her, but he’d shut her out as the team did with him.

Lisa also told him that Clay never gave up. That he always had his team’s back. Even saved Junior’s life when they went on a rescue mission and one of the bad guys got the drop on him. It was Clay who took the man out. He received no thanks, was merely told that he did his job adequately.

It was as if everyone walked with blinders on when it came to Junior Meddings. Even Blackburn and Harrington couldn’t find fault with his actions.

What made things worse, was Ray’s condition. He was still in ICU, still unconscious, and he kept on experiencing setbacks. Either he would suffer from an infection, or his fever would spike, or both. The doctors operated again to clean the wound for a second time, but where they were optimistic that he would make a full recovery, they were now tight-lipped over his prognosis.

Clay wasn’t faring any better. He was still in a coma, was fighting a vicious infection in his leg that had been burned in the accident. Lisa and Brock were horrified to learn that Clay had almost burned to death in the accident. What made it worse was that the skin grafts didn’t take, and they had to remove it, and redo it. His leg was a bloody mess.

The bleeding in his brain stopped, but the swelling was still a problem. The doctors now talked about permanent brain damage. Especially, after the last round of brain scans they took. His kidneys were failing, and if they didn’t respond to the medication by the end of the day, they would start dialysis in the morning.

Someone cleared his throat at the door of the waiting room and Lisa gazed up.

“What are you doing here?” She didn’t even attempt to be respectful. She’d lost all respect for the officers on the team.

“I came to check on Spenser.”

“He doesn’t need you here.”

“Davis.”

Lisa rose to her feet. “No, I don’t want to hear it. You’re supposed to be their commanding officer, their direct superior, to be there for all of them, but you weren’t. You failed him.”

“I know.” Eric bowed his head. “I know, Lisa.” He sighed. “Just after you requested special liberty, shit hit the fan. A commission appointed by SecNav swept in. They’ve started auditing the whole of DEVGRU. Did you know it would happen?”

She shook her head. “No.” She didn’t look at him. She didn’t want to.

“They’re threatening to split Bravo team up.”

Lisa shrugged. “It’s not as if they are a team anymore.”

Eric sighed. “Can you tell me how he’s doing?”

She ignored his request. “How did you know he was here?”

“Agent Carville came in yesterday afternoon to conduct further interviews. He told us.”

Lisa nodded. “Does the whole of Bravo know?”

“Yes.”

She sighed. “Do they hate him that much?”

“Lisa.” Eric shook his head. “You don’t understand.”

“No, No. You don’t get to tell me that I don’t understand, Eric. Clay’s call sign is Bravo six. On each mission that they went on, he had their backs and you can’t tell me otherwise. He’s loyal to Jason, and the team. And what do they do? They accuse him of something he would never do, they abandoned him. You being here alone, proves that again.”

“It was his primary weapon that was used.”

Lisa wanted to scream out of frustration. She still didn’t have all the answers, but she knew something wasn’t adding up. “Ray’s GSW was a through and through, right?”

Eric nodded.

“They couldn’t find the slug in the training house, Eric. How is that possible? If it went through Ray it had to be embedded in the floor, the wall, but there’s nothing. Where is that bullet?”

Eric frowned at the news. He didn’t know that. But then, he didn’t know much. After Agent Carville left, he’d shut himself in his office and had a hard look at himself and his actions over the last couple of months. He came to the realization that he’d been a pathetic leader. He’d let Bravo team down. More importantly, he let Spenser down.

“Will you please tell me how Spenser is doing?” he tried again.

She stared at him for a long time. “I don’t know much. Because I’m not his next of kin, or his medical proxy, they won’t tell me.” Lisa continued to tell him what she did know.

Hearing Clay’s injuries made him blanch. He didn’t even know Spenser was in a coma. Carville merely told them that Clay was hospitalized. It was worse than what he had imagined. He made a mental note to phone Jason. They needed to know this.

“Who is Clay’s medical proxy? Ash?”

“No, Stella. He never changed it. Brock is trying to get hold of her, but she’s somewhere in Europe on a sabbatical.”

“Shit. It would’ve been better if it was Ash.”

“Really? Do you see him here?”

“Does he know?”

“I called him myself. He was touring the country for his book. He said he would call me for updates. I’ve heard nothing of him since.” Lisa made her way to the door. “I’m going to get coffee.” She didn’t even bother to ask Eric if he wanted some, just exited the room, leaving him alone to wait.

It’s here that Brock found him a few minutes later.

“Commander.” Brock unleashed Cerberus and watched as the dog huffed once in the direction of their unit leader, before he turned and made himself comfortable in the opposite corner.

“I am really in the dog box.” Eric gazed up at Brock. “I failed him. I failed the team.”

Brock nodded. “You did. But you’re here now.”

“Davis feels it’s too late.”

“Maybe.”

“You’re not going to make it easier for me either, are you?”

“Why should I, Sir?” Brock shook his head. “We all know that Jason is the best team leader out there, or he used to be.” He shrugged. “But you, Sir? You are the best commander out there. You stepped up every time Bravo needed you and came through for us. You went to bat for us against those cake eaters on many occasions. You had our backs. But then something changed. And the scary part is, that it changed in less than three months. I don’t understand why. I don’t understand how. Bravo team was supposed to be family, Blackburn, and family sticks together. That’s what we tried to teach Clay since the moment he became our rookie. We all realized that he struggled with the concept of having someone around that believed in him, that trusted him. But step by step we gained his trust and he gave us everything he had in him. He gave Bravo more than a hundred-and-ten percent. And what did you do in return? What did the rest of Bravo do in return? Hell, even me? We destroyed that trust.”

Eric shook his head. “Not you. You weren’t here. This isn’t on you.”

Brock grunted. “I wish I could be as confident about that as you. I should’ve pushed him harder when I asked what was wrong and he told me nothing. I should’ve continued to ask, but I stopped because each time he gave me the same answer. You know what that answer was, Eric? _‘I am fine.’_ I shouldn’t have believed him and maybe he would’ve told me something, anything that could’ve prevented this.” Brock threw his hands up in the air.

“What is even worse, is when I talked to the guys, none of them said anything. They joked around, and now that I’m thinking back on those conversations, they only told me about Meddings. What badass shit he’d done. How they all went drinking, went on missions together and how Meddings _saved the day_ so many times.” Brock shook his head. “I am also to blame.”

Eric wanted to answer, but his cell phone rang and he dug it from his pocket. “It’s Jason.” He answered the call quickly.

“What?” Eric stared at Brock. “Is he all right? Was Naima there?” He shook his head. “No.” Eric paced the room and dragged his hand over his face. “No, Jason.” He came to a halt.

“Damn it, Hayes, listen to me!” he yelled into the phone. The line went quiet.

“Are you listening Master Chief?” Eric nodded in satisfaction. “Good, because I’m only going to say this once. It wasn’t Spenser.”

Eric rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure it wasn’t him. Because…”

The ranting on the other side of the line started up again. Eric held the phone away from his ear. When things became quiet, he brought the phone back to his ear. “You done, Master Chief?” His voice was ice cold.

“It wasn’t Spenser because he’s in no condition to do that. He’s not merely in hospital as Carville told us. Spenser is in Bethesda Naval Hospital and he’s in a coma. Do you hear me, Jason? It was not Clay, who tried to kill Ray in that hospital bed. Now, get your head out of your ass and come to your senses.” Eric didn’t wait for Jason to respond as he ended the call. He stared at Brock.

“Someone tried to suffocate Ray in his hospital bed. They left Clay’s cap behind.”

“What?” Brock paled at the information. “Is Ray okay? Naima? Where was the MP Davis told me about?”

“The doctors are still assessing Ray, but from what Jason said, it didn’t sound as if Ray suffered any further injuries. Naima wasn’t there and the MP stepped into the restroom for a second. An orderly saw the male person in the room and when he inquired what the man was doing, he got tackled to the floor and the person fled.”

“And of course, they thought it was Clay.” Brock sunk down on the hard plastic chair at his back. “I don’t think Bravo will ever be whole again, Eric.”

Eric took his place next to Brock. He wanted to speak up, to tell Brock that they would heal, but he had a feeling that if he did speak up, his words would be false. Instead the two men sat side by side in silence.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Lisa looked down at her hands, she realized that she’d been doing that a lot the last couple of days. She pressed her hands between her thighs and forced herself to look up, grimacing at the sight. They had finally gotten hold of Stella and with a lot of wangling, she was now Clay’s medical proxy. It wasn’t something that she’d wanted to do, but between her and Brock they would figure things out.

It was the first time she had managed to get a closer look at Clay. The doctors had also informed her about all of Clay’s injuries, reminding her once again how strong Clay was. Lisa wasn’t sure if she would’ve survived if it was her who’d sustained all of those injuries.

Her eyes travelled down his body. His head was wrapped, and on the side, and there was a rod protruding, which measured the internal pressure in his brain.

She noted the way his chest rose up and down as the ventilator forced air into his lungs. His right arm was in a cast and fastened to his chest to help stabilize his reduced shoulder. Clay was covered with a light sheet which hid the surgical incisions for his internal injuries. She knew with his fractured pelvis, his broken left leg, and severe burns on the right leg, it would be months before he would be able to walk again.

They’d let her stay when they changed the dressings on the burns an hour ago. She’d requested to stay; someone would need to help Clay when he was released from hospital and she intended to be the one to help him every step of the way. It looked raw, it was raw, but the nursing staff was optimistic. The infection had cleared up and the new grafts seem to have taken this time around.

Lisa startled when a shrill sound penetrated her thoughts. She jumped to her feet, uncertain of what to do. Even as she headed to the door, a nurse entered the room. Without being told, Lisa left the room and waited in the hallway.

Another nurse followed the first and then the doctor. She could hear the murmured voices from inside the room. Finally, the shrill sound ended and then the doctor stood in front of her.

“What happened? Is Clay all right?”

Doctor Paddington nodded. “He’s doing well.”

“What was that alarm?”

“The sound of good news,” he added with a smile. “Clay’s starting to trigger the ventilator.”

Lisa frowned. “What does that mean?”

“In short. It means that he’s trying to breathe on his own.”

Lisa smiled. It was the first piece of good news she’d heard in a very long time. “He’s out of his coma?”

“Not yet, but he’s moving in the right direction. I can’t tell you how long he’ll still be in a coma, but with him triggering the vent, he’s taken the first step and that’s what we want.”

Lisa squealed. “Thank you.” She reached for her phone. She had to let Brock know.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Little Creek General Hospital**

**Ray’s room: 24 Hours later**

“Are you willing to listen to what I have to say, or am I going to waste my breath?” Brock glared at the rest of the team. His stare included Naima. He’d heard from Lisa that she accused Clay of being as bad as his father and he was livid at her for that comment.

“I don’t want to hear.” Sonny crossed his arms over his chest.

Brock cocked his head. “Are you so fucking insecure, Sonny that you don’t want to acknowledge that you’ve made a mistake?” It seems it didn’t matter that Clay was in a coma, the team still believed that Clay was responsible for trying to suffocate Ray.

“I made no mistake.” Sonny didn’t meet Brock’s gaze.

Brock shook his head. “The rest of you feel the same?” He received no verbal response, but the fact that none of them spoke up, gave him his answer.

“I’ll be on my way.” He rose to his feet. Movement from the bed got his attention.

“Ray?”

His single word had the whole room up on their feet. Everyone tried to talk at the same time. A shrill whistle made them shut up. They all turned to face Trent. Their medic leaned over the bed, with Naima at his side.

“Ray?”

They watched as Ray moved his head around on the pillow. He pulled his leg up before he straightened it out again.

“Talk to him, Naima.” Trent stood to the side.

Naima talked to Ray, raking her fingers through his hair, and finally Ray opened his eyes. For a moment he appeared confused, but then his eyes focused on his wife and he smiled.

“Naima.”

“Ray.” She smiled back at him.

“You okay?” he asked with a frown.

Naima sniffed. “I’m the one who should ask you, not the other way around.” She squeezed his hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” He swallowed. “What happened?” He grimaced when he tried to move around.

“Careful.” Naima placed her hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t remember?” Jason spoke up. He’d moved up to the other side of the bed.

Ray frowned at Jason’s words and he slowly shook his head.

“I’ll tell you what happened, that son of a bitch shot you!” Sonny bellowed from the side.

“Sonny!” Brock yelled.

“It’s the fucking truth and you know it.” Sonny came to his feet and pushed past Trent to get to Brock.

Brock didn’t stand still, but moved forward as well. Both men met in the middle of the room and shoved at one another. Trent and Jason got into the fray to separate them.

Ray appeared shocked. “What’s going on?” he asked and cringed as Sonny’s fist connected with Brock’s chin. He wanted to get up and stop the fight, but even the slightest movement made him moan with pain. Finally, Jason got hold of Sonny and dragged him from Brock, while Trent held on to the other man. By that time, both Brock and Sonny sported bloodied lips.

“Get your head out of your fucking ass, Sonny. Clay didn’t shoot Ray!” Brock jerked his arm out of Trent’s grip. “You’re supposed to have the kid’s back, but instead you’ve already played judge, jury and executioner.”

“What?” Ray shook his head and whimpered as different images popped up in his head. He closed his eyes. “No!” He sat up straight. “Stop!” Ray screamed as the two men went for one another again. The room once again came to a standstill. At the same time two burly orderlies also skidded into the room. On their heels followed the head nurse and Ray’s doctor.

“What the devil is going on here?” The doctor glared at the men.

Wisely, they all remained silent.

“Visiting hours are over. Please leave.” It was the nurse’s turn to stare at them.

Before any one of them could speak up, Ray’s voice broke the silence. “Wait.”

He shook his head when it looked like everyone wanted to interrupt. “Give us a minute, please.” He stared at Naima. “Please.”

Naima nodded. Squeezed his shoulder and headed out of the room. She managed to herd the orderlies, doctor and head nurse out, closing the door behind her.

Ray leaned his head back on the pillow. Things were confusing, and he had to make sense of what he saw in his head and what Brock said before he could respond. When a hand landed on his shoulder, he gazed up.

“Drink.” Trent held out a cup with a bendy straw.

The cool water soothed his throat and Ray sighed. “Thanks.” He searched for the remote to raise the head of his bed. He took in the appearance of the team, while at the same time, he was aware that Sonny and Brock looked as if they wanted to kill one another. What bothered him more was the fact that it seemed that even Trent and Jason were against their K9 handler. He couldn’t understand why.

“You’re back.”

Brock nodded but didn’t reply.

“You still don’t remember anything?” Jason asked.

“Different images, but nothing is making any sense.” Ray closed his eyes again. Images flashed before him. “Training house.” He opened his eyes and watched Jason.

“Yeah.”

“I was teamed up with Clay.” Ray cocked his head when Sonny growled again and then he shook it. “No, that’s not right. I was with Junior.”

It was Jason’s turn to shake his head. “No. I was with Junior. You were with Spenser.”

“No.” Ray rubbed his hand across his face. “No. That’s not right.” He looked at the team. “Where’s Clay? Is he all right?”

“He shot you and you’re asking if he’s all right!” Sonny yelled, turned and hit the wall with his fist.

Ray gasped for air. His hand grabbed his side as the last pieces of the puzzle slipped into place. He shook his head vigorously. “No. No.” He gazed pleadingly at Jason and then continued. “Junior showed up. He said you ordered Clay to go high on the western side of the building for over watch.”

Jason shook his head. “I would’ve used comms for that.”

“I know. Clay took him on. Told him he was sick and tired of his games. He wanted to slam Junior into the wall, but I stepped between them. I had to reign Clay in, and I sent him up. I tried to get you on comms, but it was once again, acting up. I paired up with Junior, and we worked through the building. I was in front, Junior at my back. But then something happened.” Ray shook his head. “I’m not sure, but then Clay was back, and I remember he rushed towards me and pushed me hard. It was at that same time I heard a shot going off. I felt this burning sensation from the back of my side.” He swallowed. “I remember falling and then nothing.”

The room was dead quiet.

“Shit.” Sonny slid down the wall and sat down on the floor. He covered his face with his hands. “Shit, shit, shit,” he continued with the litany of words.

“What did you do?” Dread settled over Ray. He watched as Jason moved away with his phone in his hand. He had no idea who Jason was phoning.

“What did you do?” he asked again. Ray looked at Brock. Never before had he seen his brother with such a look of anguish on his face.

His question was greeted with silence yet again.

“Guys?” Ray became annoyed. He tried to push himself up onto his elbows.

“They abandoned their brother,” Brock finally spoke up. “When you get your heads out of your behinds, you’ll find me and Davis at Bethesda Naval Hospital.” Without looking at any of them, Brock left the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN 1:** To the ever present, [RoboFoxtrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboFoxtrot), thank you again for helping out!
> 
>  **AN 2:** All remaining mistakes, medical and otherwise remains mine.
> 
>  **AN 3:** There’s a lot of comments worrying that I will abandon this story. Fear not, I have never abandoned a story in my life before, I will not start doing it now! It might take some time between chapters, but they will be posted. I ask you to be patient, please.

**Bethesda Naval Hospital: 2 weeks after the accident**

Eric stared at the group of men that stood before him in the waiting room. It had been a while since he last saw them look this haggard. His gaze landed on Ray. “You should still be in hospital.”

“I’m fine,” Ray mumbled. He was still pissed at all of them, including his wife. He wouldn’t have minded leaving them all behind and coming on his own, but even though he’d managed to get the doctor to discharge him from hospital, he still wasn’t clear to drive. He therefore had no choice but to get a lift from the team to come to the hospital. It had been a grueling four-hour drive.

Eric remained silent. There wasn’t much he could say. His own behavior towards Spenser was as appalling as the rest of the team’s. Jason had informed him that after Ray’s revelation on what had really happened, he’d phoned Special Agent Carville and the man had been at Ray’s hospital bed not even an hour later. He’d taken down Ray’s statement, and had applied for an arrest warrant for Meddings. It seemed that the man was in the wind. Something that none of them had realized. They couldn’t even say when was the last time that they’d seen him.

“Can we see him?” Ray glanced at Brock and then at Blackburn.

“You can. Not the rest.”

The group of men turned when Lisa spoke up at the door.

“Davis.” Sonny stepped forward.

Lisa shook her head. “Don’t you dare, Davis me, Sonny. You will _not_ step into his room. I won’t hesitate one second to call security and let them throw you out by your ear.”

“You can’t do that.”

She tilted her head. “Try me.” Lisa folded her arms over her chest. She ignored the group and focused on Ray. “You look like crap.”

Ray shrugged. “I’ll survive.”

“Good to hear that. I was worried about you.” Lisa stepped into the waiting room. She smiled at Bravo’s second in command. “You should’ve stayed in bed.”

“I needed to know how Clay’s doing.”

She glared at the team. “I’ll tell all of you, because I know even if I only tell Ray, he would repeat everything to you. But understand one thing, I’ve not forgiven you. I don’t think I’ll be able to.” She touched Ray’s arm. “You’re also still in the dog box with me on how you’ve treated Clay, but you didn’t accuse him of trying to kill you, so I’m not too livid with you.”

“We didn’t know.” Jason stepped closer.

Lisa growled. She stepped past Ray and came to a halt in front of Jason. She looked up and glared at the team leader. “You didn’t know?” She balled her fists. “Did you care to ask? Did you for one second listen to Spenser? No. You went on the attack, accusing him of trying to kill Ray. Went so far as to want to kill him yourself when you saw him again. And now you want to tell me, you didn’t know. Bull shit, Jason, I call bull shit.”

Lisa stepped away. Her eyes stung with unshed tears. “You were supposed to have his back like he had yours, but you tossed him aside because an old buddy joined the team and suddenly Clay wasn’t good enough. Meddings manipulated you, and because of him, but more importantly, because of your own behavior, you broke the perfect team, and I, for one, will stand behind Clay, should he, for whatever reason decide that he can’t be part of Bravo team anymore. Because you, Jason Hayes, you, and the rest of Bravo team, do not deserve Clay as a team mate. The saddest thing of all, is that he might never be in a position to return to the teams and although none of you drove that truck that slammed into Clay’s car, I blame you for this.” Lisa wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

The team stood stunned; heads bowed. They all knew that she’d spoken the truth. They were to blame.

“What do you mean he might never be in a position to return to the teams?” Trent found his voice first.

Lisa lowered her eyes. “Brain damage.” She saw the impact her words had on the group of men in front of her. She was still furious with them, but she didn’t want to cause them the anguish so clearly visible on their faces.

“Definitive?”

“More than likely.” She pushed her hands into her jeans’ pockets. “The scans they took directly after he was admitted, and the latest ones show almost no improvement.”

“What damage are they looking at?”

Lisa lowered herself into the nearest chair. “Balance, memory, speech.” She tiredly closed her eyes. “They will only be able to do a final assessment once he wakes up. If he wakes up.”

“What the bloody hell does that mean?” Sonny exploded.

“It means he’s still in a coma, Sonny, and the longer he stays in a coma the more unlikely it will be for him to wake up.” Lisa didn’t even bother to open her eyes to look at any of the men.

“Fuck,” Sonny mumbled as he sank to his knees. The reality of what they’d done, what he’d done, finally hit home.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Perry residence: Following day**

Ray lowered his head in his hands and wished his headache away, unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. A knock at the door had him on his feet with a groan. Naima wasn’t at home; she and the kids went to her mom for a couple of days. Ray already missed them, but with things completely in disarray, it would be better for them not to be around. More especially, with Meddings still in the wind. He made it to his front door and opened the door. He stood to the side when he saw who it was.

“You look like shit,” Jason remarked as he entered the house.

“You don’t look much better.” Ray closed the door and made his way back into the living room. He watched as his best friend paced the room like a wild animal caught in a cage.

“I fucked up.” Jason dragged his hand through his beard.

“ _We_ fucked up,” Ray responded.

Jason opened his mouth, but then closed it again. As team lead, and 2IC, they both held the responsibility for their team, and they did drop the ball. More than that, they fucking lost the ball. He still can’t believe what they’d done. They should’ve known better, hell, _he_ should’ve done better. What made things worse was that he and Ray had spoken about Junior’s attitude towards Clay. Ray had told him that Meddings had taken it too far. He’d told Jason to take a step back and take a closer look at how the Master Chief was treating Clay.

At first Jason had brushed Ray’s concerns to the side, but then he thought hard about things. Ray always had good instincts, especially when it came to the dynamics of the team. Prior to the training house incident, Jason had noticed what Ray had seen. He didn't like it one bit. Initially he wanted to pair Clay with Meddings, but then decided against it. Then Ray got shot and the anger and the fear he fucked everything up and he’d taken it out on Clay. Not once did he think that Clay didn’t do it. Meddings had really managed to throw a wrench into works. He’d managed to rip the best SEAL team apart in less than three months. Jason also knew he couldn’t lay all the blame at Junior’s feet. He shouldn’t have allowed something like that to happen within his team. He was just as responsible for this cluster fuck as what Meddings was.

Finally, Jason managed to speak up. “What are we going to do to fix this?”

Ray had been thinking about that same question since the moment he realized what they’d done. “Call the team together, accept responsibility for our own actions.”

Jason closed his eyes for a second. “You heard about the investigation.”

“Trent told me,” Ray answered with a nod.

“They want to break us up.”

Ray shrugged. “You know as well as I do, Jace, that we’re the best Tier One team out there, but not now. We’re broken, and we’re broken from the inside. Maybe it’s time we operate apart.” He held up his hand when Jason wanted to object. “Let me finish, please.” Ray waited patiently for Jason to nod before he continued. “Not forever, because that would be stupid, but for a period of time until we sort ourselves out. It will do all of us good to train and work on missions with the other teams. We need to prove to ourselves that we can be trusted by our brothers. That we can trust one another.”

Ray’s words were spoken out of logic, but it didn’t mean that he had to like what his best friend had to say. Shouldn’t he be kicking and screaming, for them to stay together? Jason shook his head.

“Do you trust me?” Ray asked the hard question.

“Of course, you know that,” Jason huffed.

Ray sighed. “I don’t trust you.”

“What the fuck!” Jason jumped to his feet. Fury etched on his face.

“Jase, please, listen.” Ray held his hands out. “I don’t even trust myself at this stage. I don’t trust myself to do the right thing, to make the right call. Brother, we’ve, you’ve, built up an amazing team. We really are brothers, but what we did – there’s no magical fix for that. In just under three months we’d managed to destroy any trust we had with our youngest team member. The same guy we drafted because of his amazing talent. The same guy that despite his cocky attitude was so insecure, and we taught him that he can trust us. That we’ll have his six each and every day of the week, until we didn’t. A relationship we worked on for more than a year, ripped to shreds in three months. By us. Do you think for one moment that Clay would be comfortable working with us again? Do you think that he will walk in and be able to trust us from that first second?” Ray shook his head. “No, Jace, we’ve done too much damage. The word _sorry_ , will not be enough. It can’t be enough.”

“For how long?”

“I want to say to you for as long as it takes, but I know you, and that’s not the answer you’re looking for. We both know that Clay will not be back with us in three months’ time.” Ray didn’t add that there might be a possibility that Clay would never return to them.

“Let’s give it three months. Let’s work with the other teams, let’s get the faith that our brothers had in us, back. And at the same time, we show Clay that we still have his back, that we’ve fucked up, but that we’re willing and trying to repair the damage we’ve done.”

Ray looked up at Jason. “What about the cake eaters?”

“With Blackburn and Harrington in our corner, we’ll be able to convince them.” Jason lowered his head and took his seat next to Ray again. “What if…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

Ray sighed. “What if Clay has brain damage and can’t return?”

“Yeah.”

“Then we support him in whatever way we can, and we make sure that we never forget him,” Ray responded with conviction.

“We can do that, but he’s going to be all right. He has to be,” Jason whispered the last words.

“There another _what if_ that you need to ask?” Ray pushed. It wasn’t often that Jason sat down and talked things out. They all know that he was the take action guy now and ask questions later guy.

“You really want me to ask it?”

Ray just stared at his friend.

Jason rolled his eyes. “What if he doesn’t want to be part of Bravo anymore?”

For a long time, Ray remained quiet. It was the question he struggled with the most when he asked it himself. He closed his eyes. “Then we accept it, and hope that we can still remain friends, hopefully even brothers.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“We won’t have a choice, Jason. Forcing him to stay with us, is not going to fix the problem, and you know that.”

“I know.” Jason stood up. “What I don’t understand is why? Why would Meddings do something like this? Not only did he managed to fuck up our team, but he tried to kill you, twice, and I have a feeling he set it up for Clay to take the fall. But why? I don’t understand it.” He paced and dragged his hands over his face.

“I don’t know. I try not to think about it. I can only hope that NCIS will find him and maybe they’ll get some answers for us.”

“I don’t want you to go out of this house alone.”

Ray frowned. “You think he might try again?”

“Just don’t want to take any chances.”

“I’ll be careful.”

Jason took out his phone and tossed it from hand to hand.

Ray could see Jason was worried. “What are you thinking about?”

“Who I need to phone first?”

“Davis,” Ray responded without any hesitation.

“Why?” Jason sounded surprised.

“Because if you call the team together and none of us are there at the hospital, she’s going to make the assumption that we once again don’t care about Clay. And we don’t want that.”

Jason smiled. “You’re right.”

“I know,” Ray responded with a grin. He picked up his own phone. “Phone Brock after Davis, and then Sonny. I’ll talk to Trent and then you need to phone Blackburn and Harrington.”

“Fuck,” Jason sighed but pressed his finger on Brock’s name and brought the phone to his ear. It was going to be a difficult situation, but Ray was right, they didn’t have a choice. Not if they want to save Bravo, and definitely not if they wanted Clay back on their team.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Team Briefing Room: Following morning**

Eric sat down heavily on his chair and tiredly rubbed the back of his neck. It has been a tough couple of days, and by the expressions on the faces before him, he had a feeling, things were about to become even more so.

None of the guys talked to him, they didn’t even talk to one another, the silence deafening in the room. He looked up when Harrington walked in and gave a tired nod in his direction. The captain had asked him after Jason said he wanted to talk to them, if he’d known what it was about, but he had no idea. He still had no idea.

“Master Chief,” Captain Harrington spoke up the moment he reached his chair. “You wanted to discuss something?” He sat down and stared at the group of men.

“Yes, Sir.” Jason got to his feet. He placed his hands behind his head, paced the floor and tried to find the words he’d needed to say.

“Jason?” Eric asked in concern.

Jason held up a hand and shook his head.

“You’re wasting our time, Hayes.” Harrington got to his feet. Since SECNAV started with the internal investigation into the DEVGRU teams, the heat had been coming down on them without any sign of letting up.

“We want Bravo team to be disbanded. We know that’s the recommendation from the cake… higher ups as well.” Ray stared straight ahead as he spoke up.

Ray's words made Harrington sit down again. “What?”

“We’re not going to repeat it again.” Jason sounded broken.

“You sure about this?” Eric pressed his hands together in an attempt to hide the tremble he felt in them. Never in his life did he expect to hear the words Ray had spoken. It was no wonder Jason couldn’t get them out.

“It’s a team decision.” Jason cleared his throat. He took his seat next to Ray and looked at their two superior officers. “There are a couple of conditions to this.”

Harrington shook his head. “You can’t have the team dismantled and at the same time set conditions, Hayes. That’s not how it works.”

“We’re the best there is, I know we can,” Jason fired back.

“What conditions?” Eric asked quickly. He was surprised when it was Brock who supplied the answers. Their K9-handler had continued to be standoffish towards all of them, and that was something he understood. He continued to listen attentively and he was surprised at the detailed plan they set out.

When Brock fell silent Eric looked at his immediate supervisor. Harrington seemed to be lost in thought. “Every one of you in agreement?” He immediately received five loud confirmations. Once again, he was surprised at that. He’d thought that Sonny might’ve objected to the idea. It seemed he was mistaken.

“I’ll take it up with Command.” Harrington rose to his feet and headed for the door. Then he turned around and came back. “I’m proud of all of you for taking responsibility for this mess, and I think it is appropriate at this stage to tell you that I’ve been reassigned. Captain Wellington will replace me by the end of the week.”

“Fuck,” Sonny cursed under his breath. The rest of Bravo team had similar reactions.

“What about you, Eric?” Jason asked.

“I’m going to San Diego.”

“They’re sacrificing two of the best officers here because we dropped the ball.” Trent shook his head. “That’s unfair.”

Both officers shook their heads.

“We also dropped the ball, Sawyer,” Harrington replied. “This inquiry had shown us all just how bad things had become here at the base. We might not like what they did, but it had to be done. We can all be grateful for still being in the Navy. And, I really think that what you’ve suggested here will work. In the end, you all may still have a chance to return to Bravo team.”

Jason nodded. He looked over his team and then returned his gaze to their two superior officers. “We will get back together, and I will do everything in my power to get both of you back here as well.”

Eric smiled and Harrington shook his head. Both men remained silent. They knew Jason Hayes very well. If he’d set his mind to something, he would get it done, come hell or high water.

The team rose to their feet and they all exited the briefing room. Their stint as Bravo Team has entered its last days.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Bethesda Naval Hospital: 1 month after the accident**

Lisa sat hunched over in the visitor’s chair as tears ran down her cheeks. The dam wall inside of her had finally burst and she no longer could contain the grief inside of her. She was seated in the waiting room while Doctor Paddington examined Clay. There’d been a buzz in his room when she got there about an hour before, but they didn’t even give her a chance to sit down, just ushered her out and told her to have a seat in the waiting room.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when a hand landed on her shoulder. “Shit!” She looked up and blushed. “Sorry.” She wiped the tears away with her hand and rose to her feet.

Doctor Paddington smiled. “I’m the one who should apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

“I shouldn’t have been bawling my eyes out like this.” Lisa shrugged.

“Everyone needs a good cry.” He indicated to the chair she vacated, and sat down on the chair next to her. “Are you ready for some good news?”

Lisa’s eyes grew large. “Clay?”

The doctor nodded. “He’s out of a coma. He’s responding to painful stimuli, his pupils respond to light and he’s moving his hands and feet. We’ve started to wean him of his pain medication just to get him to wake up so that we can get a proper read on his pain level. I believe he’ll be awake by this time tomorrow.”

Lisa sighed in relief. “What about brain damage?”

“There’s still a possibility, and I won’t be able to tell you more until we’ve run a number of tests.”

She nodded. It was understandable. Since Clay first triggered the ventilator three weeks ago, and they finally removed it two weeks back, his progress was slow. The various injuries he’d sustained during the crash gradually healed and even the second skin grafts he received healed well. His fever on the other hand stayed persistent, but she knew the medical personnel weren’t too worried as it didn’t rise, but stayed elevated at 100.6.

“May I go and sit with him?”

Doctor Paddington nodded. “You’re more than welcome. I think the nurses are waiting for you as well. They all want to hear what happened next in the book you’re reading to Clay.”

The doctor’s words had Lisa laughing out loud. “Well, then let me not keep them waiting.” She grinned and made her way out of the waiting room and back into Clay’s room. The sight that greeted her made her smile again. Without even hesitating she took out her phone and took a single photo before she placed it back. She didn’t use her phone in the ICU and would send it off when she took a break. For now, she wanted to sit and spend some time with Clay. She took out the book and flipped it open. She tried not to grin when she saw Clay’s two nurses moving a bit closer. She cleared her throat and started to read.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Brock sat down tiredly on the edge of his bed, and stroked Cerberus’ head as his phone chimed and he retrieved it from the side table. When he opened it up, he sat up straight, and he even managed to smile. He showed the phone to Cerberus. “Look, Cerb, Clay’s doing better.” Brock chuckled when Cerberus licked the screen. He read the text again. Clay was out of a coma, and that was the best news he’d heard in a long time. The photo was of Clay, still in his hospital bed, clearly sleeping, but there was only one IV line in his left arm, what appeared to be a pulse oximeter and a nasal cannula supplying him with some oxygen. He was free of all the other medical equipment he’d sported before. Seeing Clay like this gave Brock hope.

He fired off a quick text to Lisa and then waited for her reply. Only when she gave him the go-ahead did he send the photo of Clay to the rest of the guys. They’d not seen one another for the better half of a week. Ray had gone back to the Green team as an instructor. Trent had gone to Alpha, while he and Cerb were training the new K9 handlers. Jason and Sonny ended up at the newly formed Echo team, with Jason being the 2IC and Sonny third in command.

All of them were being watched constantly. The attitudes in the teams were in most instances bearable, but there were still some snide comments made. They were all taking it on the chin and giving it their best.

He was not surprised to see that it was Trent that phoned him first. Unfortunately for their medic, he had no other information to share. But he promised to keep Trent in the loop. Brock made that same promise another three times. Knowing that he’d have an off day tomorrow, Brock sent Davis another text and arranged with her to meet her at the hospital to be there when Clay woke up. Thinking of his youngest brother waking up made him want to smile, but it also filled him with dread. They still had no idea if Clay had suffered any brain damage. He silently said a prayer as he got himself ready for bed. There was nothing more that he could do right at that moment, except to hope for the best.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN 1:** Thank you again to, [RoboFoxtrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboFoxtrot), for helping out.  
>  **AN 2:** All remaining mistakes, medical and otherwise remains mine.

It was the constant beeping in his ears that finally brought him back. There was something under his nose that irritated him, and he tried to swipe it away, but his coordination was off and he only managed to slap himself in the face. He grunted out of frustration.

Clay tried again but with no success. He kept on missing the spot and he couldn’t understand why. He also couldn’t understand why it was dark. He knew that he had to switch on the light, but he had no idea where to find it. Something pinched him in the crook of his arm and he reached for it, but found nothing. The texture under his fingers felt grainy. He frowned. It couldn’t be grainy, because that would mean he’s on a beach or some place with sand. And if that was the case, then what the fuck was that beeping sound and why the hell was it so dark? There wasn’t even a single star in the sky.

He had to get up, he had to find out what the hell was going on, more importantly, where he was. Clay tried that, but his body shook, it trembled. It was as if he could hear his own teeth rattle. Something was wrong, he had to get help. Then the trembling stopped and Clay tried to get up, but his limbs felt heavy. He was only able to move his arms; he could barely move his legs; he couldn’t wiggle his toes. He started to panic. He could feel the way his airway closed up. The muscles in his throat tightened up and he gulped for air. He couldn’t breathe; he was going to die and then his body stilled.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

“Clay!” Davis jumped to her feet as Clay started to thrash on the bed. His movements were wild and his breath erratic.

“Clay!” Lisa called out again as she reached for the call button to alert the nurse on duty, but with the way the machines above Clay’s head screamed, she knew that they would come running. Something was terribly wrong. The young man was as stiff as a board on the bed, then his body started to shake and he flayed around on the bed. The noises he made sounded as if he couldn’t get any air into his lungs. The blood drained from her face as Clay’s body shuddered one last time, and then fell limp on the bed.

“Clay!” She reached out and at the same moment the door to the room burst open. She looked over her shoulder with her hand still on his chest. “I don’t think he’s breathing.”

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

“Davis?”

Lisa looked up, her face red with all the tears she’d shed the last couple of hours.

“Brock.” She hiccupped and came to her feet.

“What happened?” Brock had closed the distance between them and hugged the smaller woman to his chest. They’d grown close to one another, strengthening their bond of friendship.

She shook her head and shrugged. “I’m not sure. It happened so fast. One moment he was still and the next his body became stiff and he started to tremble, like he was having a seizure, and then he stopped breathing.” Her shoulders shook as she cried against his chest.

Brock closed his eyes. He knew that Clay was still alive, when he spoke to Lisa over the phone, she told him very briefly what had transpired, but hearing it again, made him realize just how bad it had to be for her to witness.

“Have you spoken to his doctor?”

“No, he was still assessing Clay. The nursing staff told me he would come and see the moment they’ve stabilized Clay.”

“He’s going to be okay.” Brock sat down on the hard chair and pulled Lisa down next to him.

“Did you let the team now?” she asked.

Brock shook his head. “No, I wanted to get more info before I did that.”

Lisa looked at him. “Have you guys started mending fences?”

“It’s going slowly.” He sighed. “When Ray and Jason first called the team together and told us what we needed to do, I was conflicted about it. Don’t get me wrong, I was furious with them, but I really didn’t think it would be a good idea that we split up.”

“And now?”

“Now I think it’s the best thing Bravo team has done since accepting Clay as our rookie.”

Lisa was shocked at Brock’s words. “Really?”

Brock nodded. “We’re spending time with the other teams. We’re getting more exposure on how other teams work. I get a chance to share my experience with the new K9 handlers and I’m getting to know myself again.”

Lisa managed a small smile. “That’s good to hear.”

“What about you?” Brock tapped her with his fist on her upper arm.

“What about me?”

Brock sighed and shook his head. “You started mending fences? I know everyone on the team has reached out to you.”

“They have, I’m still not ready to forgive them.” They had told her that they’d dropped the ball. That Meddings had managed to tear the team up from the inside. But they’d also taken responsibility for their own actions and they vowed to make it up to Clay in whichever way possible. It was hard to hear, and it took her a long time before she finally had to face the fact that they were all human, even if they were an elite group of men.

“I understand.” Brock leaned back in his chair. They fell silent as they waited for an update on Clay.

Brock must’ve fallen asleep as he jerked awake when Lisa placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry,” she said as she rose to her feet.

Brock looked up and saw Clay’s doctor before them. “How’s he doing?” he asked as he stood up.

Doctor Paddington looked at the two persons before him and indicated to them to sit down again. “Clay is stable for now. We’re still running some tests to determine what had happened.”

“What did happen? Did he stop breathing? Did he have a seizure?” Lisa wrung her hands.

“Let me start of by saying he didn’t stop breathing. However, he did have a seizure.” He watched both of them intensely. “Some of the tests we are still running is to find out what caused the seizure. We’re also concerned about the fact that it seems that Clay is experiencing some paralysis on the one side of his body. We’re keeping an eye on that.”

“Paralysis?” Brock blanched. “Did he suffer a stroke?”

“We’re unsure at this stage.”

“Fuck.” Brock scrubbed his hand over his face. If Clay had suffered a stroke, the chances of him getting back to the team was zero.

“If it wasn’t a stroke, what could’ve caused the paralysis?” Lisa swallowed back the tears that threatened to escape.

“I can’t speculate. Let us run the tests, get the results and then we can see what we’re dealing with and what our way forward will be.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Lisa looked over his shoulder to where Clay’s room was visible at the end of the hallway. “Can we go and see him?”

Doctor Paddington shook his head. “I’ve scheduled him for different scans, he’ll be out of his room for the next couple of hours. Go home and get some rest. You can see him again tomorrow. Hopefully by then I’ll have some more answers for you as well.”

Lisa wanted to object, but Brock placed his hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Doctor.” Both friends watched as Clay’s doctor left the waiting room and disappeared down the passage.

Lisa turned and stared at Brock. “Clay has been through so much, suffering from a stroke on top of everything else, that’s just not fair.”

“Let’s not give up hope just yet. It is Clay that we’re talking about, and you know he’s like a cat with nine lives.”

Brock’s words brought a smile to Lisa’s face. “You’re right.” She grabbed his arm. “We need to stay positive.”

“That’s the spirit.” The two teammates left the waiting room, both hoping that they were right and that Clay would indeed make a full recovery.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Doctor Paddington closed the door behind him and looked at his patient and shook his head. The young man was asleep and he was grateful for that.

“Doctor?” Clay’s nurse frowned. “Anything wrong?” She looked at the readouts on the monitors behind her patient, worried that she might have missed something.

Not one to tell stories, he merely shook his head. “I was only thinking. There’s nothing wrong.” He picked up the chart and made some notes. He waited for her to leave the room and sighed again. He didn’t tell Clay’s friends that his patient had actually woken up, but not for long. He was confused, struggled to focus, but the moment he heard that his friends were at the hospital, he’d experienced a panic attack. It was then that they’d realized he couldn’t move his right arm or leg. They’d struggled to get the young man to calm down but it had depleted him of the little energy he had. Before he’d drifted off to sleep, he made it clear that he didn’t want to see any of them.

Doctor Paddington had made the decision to let him rest before he sent him for the different tests and scans they still needed to run. Not wanting Clay to wake up with his friends in the room, he decided to send them home – at least for the remainder of this night. He’d have to wait and see what the new day brought.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Following morning**

Clay blinked a few times as he woke up before the room came into focus – sort of. Things remained blurred on his right and he had to turn his head to get a clear view of the whole room. He had no idea where he was. In an attempt to see if he could get his right eye to focus, Clay tried to wipe his eye. He really did, but his hand didn’t reach his face. Clay frowned when he realized he couldn’t move his hand and he gazed down at it. It was blurry, but it was next to him. He concentrated on his hand and tried to move it – nothing happened. He felt the panic setting in. He felt his chest constrict as his breathing hitched. Not being able to see properly made things worse.

He was aware of the fact that something above his head screamed out a warning, it made him irritated and he screamed out of frustration. He wanted to see, he wanted to move his hand and he wanted the noise to stop.

The door to the room burst open and people entered. Clay had no idea who they were, or where he was, and when one reached out to touch him, he latched out. He caught the woman on her chest with his left arm. She gasped for air, and tumbled backwards. Clay tried to get up, but a burly man had replaced the woman and he was pushed down. He heard himself screaming, was aware of the fact that although the man pushed him down, he wasn’t hurting him. It didn’t matter. He had to get away. Clay wondered where his team was, where was Bravo? Why were they not coming to his aid? Memories assaulted him and he gasped for air as he remembered. They’d abandoned him.

The pressure in his head became too much. He screamed out in pain again. “Stop! Make it stop!” He fought against the different hands, but found it difficult as he became lethargic. His movements became more uncontrollable, his eyelids heavy. Clay fought against it, he didn’t want to fade away, but it didn’t help. His eyelids closed, his breathing evened out and he fell into an induced sleep. Only when his breathing evened out did the medical personnel move away.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Doctor Paddington looked up from the medical journal he’d been reading, when a knock sounded at his office door.

“Come in.” He got to his feet. He wasn’t expecting anyone, especially not at this time of the morning.

The door opened and Special Agent Carville stepped inside.

“Agent Carville, come on in.” Doctor Paddington reached out and shook the man’s hand before he showed him to one of the visitor’s chairs. He took the other as the agent sat down.

“I’m sorry to bother you so early in the morning, Doctor.”

“I have to admit, it is still early. What can I help you with?”

“I understand from the nursing personnel that Clay Spenser has regained consciousness?”

Doctor Paddington sighed. It seemed that someone on the nursing staff had a big mouth. He nodded. “He might be awake, but he’s in no condition to talk to you.”

Richard nodded. “I understand that. And, although I would like to talk to him ASAP, I will wait until you indicate that he’s in stable condition to talk to me. May I ask how he is doing?”

“Stable. He suffered a seizure last night just as he regained consciousness. There’s also some paralysis on the right side of his body. We’re still running tests. That’s the main reason he’s in no condition to talk to you. He’s got a long road of rehab in front of him.”

Richard’s shoulders sagged. “He really can’t catch a break, can he?” He knew the doctor would not share any information with him, and he went on to the second reason for his visit. “I do, however, have something else I need to talk to you about.”

“What would that be?” The doctor frowned again.

“Do not allow members of Bravo team to talk to him before I get the opportunity to do so myself.”

The doctor nodded. “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

It was Richard’s turn to frown. “I was under the impression that since they found out that Clay wasn’t the one that tried to kill Senior Chief Perry, that they’ve come around often?”

“They’ve been coming around regularly. Petty Officer Davis made it clear that they would not have any direct contact with Clay. The only members of Bravo team who've seen him is, Reynolds and Perry. No one else.”

“I also need all three of them not to have any contact with Clay.”

“I will carry out your instructions.” The doctor sighed. “Since you already know that my patient woke up, I can share this with you.” He took a deep breath. “When he became aware last night that Petty Officer Davis was here, and that the rest of the team was a phone call away, he became extremely agitated. He made it clear he didn’t want to see them. Any of them, including Petty Officer Davis.”

Richard sighed. “Does she know? I’ve come to realize she cares a lot about Clay.”

“Not yet. I sent her and Reynolds home last night and told them to come back later today. I will then convey your instruction and Clay’s to her.”

Richard nodded and rose to his feet. “Thank you for your time, Doctor. If you can please let me know when Petty Officer Spenser is stable enough, I will appreciate it.”

“I will do so.” Doctor Paddington rose to his own feet. Shook the NCIS agent’s hand and took his seat behind his desk. He still had to figure out from what condition Clay suffered. He was almost a hundred percent sure it wasn’t a stroke, but that wasn’t an answer, it was just one condition less to be worried about.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Lisa nodded her head at doctor Paddington’s words, but her heart ached. “I understand.” Her voice failed at the end and she cleared her throat. She looked up at the doctor before her. “Will you give him a message from me, please?”

“I will.”

“Please tell him, I’m only a phone call away. I have not abandoned him.” Lisa took a deep breath and continued. “His team will be there for him.” She wanted to add more, but then shook her head. “That’s all.”

The doctor reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. I will give him the message, I promise.” He smiled at her.

Lisa nodded her thanks. “I know he’s awake, and that means you can’t tell me about his condition, unless he gives his consent, but are you able to tell me, the paralysis, any possible brain damage?”

“We’re still awaiting the latest results of the tests we’ve conducted, but we’ve ruled out that Clay suffered a stroke. I’ve consulted with a few of my colleagues and we all agree that Clay is experiencing a condition called Todd’s paralysis.”

“Todd’s paralysis?”

“Yes, it’s also known as TP. It’s a neurological condition that involves paralysis after the patient suffered a seizure. It can be partial, like in Clay’s case, or complete. It normally lasts for a few seconds, but can go on for several hours. Once again, like in Clay’s case.”

“TP is also most often associated with epilepsy, but it can also be caused by a TBI. There’s also no prescribed treatment for TP as the symptoms resolve itself within forty-eight hours after it first occurred.”

“Clay’s suffering from epilepsy?”

“Due to the brain injury he’d suffered, that’s something that we’ll have to keep an eye on, and can’t be ruled out at this stage.”

Lisa’s shoulders sagged. She wasn’t prepared for such news, but she nodded. “Any sign of brain damage?” She repeated the question.

This time the doctor sighed. “There are indeed signs of damage to the parietal lobe. We’re still running some tests to establish exactly the extent of the damage.”

Lisa blanched at the words and her knees gave way. She sat down heavily on the chair at her back. Her hands shook and she could feel her body tremble. “Will he be able to operate again?”

“It’s too early to tell.”

Lisa dragged her hand over her face, took a deep breath and came to her feet. She cleared her throat. “Thank you, Doctor, for everything.” She reached out and shook the man’s hand. “Please tell Clay, I’m there for him. We all are.”

Paddington nodded and looked on in silence as the woman who cared for her friend walked off. Her shoulders were slumped forward and his heart ached for her. He wished he had better news for her, but what he’d told her was the reality.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Lisa placed her phone and keys in the bowl by the door, slipped off her shoes and made her way over to the couch. Her body ached and she was emotionally drained. It had taken her an hour longer to get to her apartment as she had a meltdown in her car after she left the hospital. She’d finally managed to pull herself together and made her way home. Tonight, she wanted to do some research on the possible problems Clay might experience due to his TBI and tomorrow she would let Brock know what was going on. But first, she needed to get some food into her and a glass of wine.

She had only reached for the wine when there was a knock at her door. At first Lisa thought to ignore it but that wouldn’t help. Her car was parked right where everyone could see it. Tiredly she made her way over to the door.

“What?” Lisa snapped as she opened it up.

“Hi.” Sonny leaned against the wall.

“Hi,” she replied and looked at the Texan up and down. He’d lost some weight, had some extra muscles on him with his hair and beard nicely trimmed. Sonny looked good.

“May I come in?”

Lisa cocked her head. She was still angry with him, but found that the raging fury she felt towards him and the rest of Bravo team had simmered down. “Why?”

Sonny sighed. “I miss you.” He stared at his shoes.

Lisa smiled when she realized he couldn’t see her. Sonny was her best friend. She would be lying if she said she didn’t miss him either, but her heart ached just thinking what they’d done. She sighed. “Come on in, you big oaf.” She pushed the door wider for him to enter.

Sonny tipped his hat and squeezed by her. He took off the Stetson and placed it on the table.

“You want a beer?” Lisa asked as she made her way to the kitchen to collect her wine. For a moment she thought of changing her drink for a beer as well. She knew Sonny would have something to say about her drinking wine.

“Thanks,” Sonny answered as he flopped down on the couch.

Lisa grabbed her wine and the beer and made her way back to her living room. She smiled when she found the Texan stretched out on her couch. “Move up,” She pressed the cold bottle against his arm. She watched as he pulled himself up in a seated position before he swung his legs from the seat and sat up.

Sonny took the beer from her hand and cocked his head.

Lisa shook her finger at him. “Not a word, mister.”

Sonny wisely remained silent and took a swig of his beer. He waited until she sat down next to him before he placed his beer on the coffee table and turned to her. “You’ve been crying.”

“I have.”

“Clay?” Sonny looked down at his beer.

Lisa nodded. She was about to speak up, when Sonny beat her to it.

“We’ve been ordered to have no contact with Clay. Not until NCIS has spoken to him.”

“It’s going to be longer than that,” Lisa found herself whispering the words.

“What do you mean?”

“Clay.” She took a deep breath. “Clay doesn’t want to see any of us.”

“Not even you?” Sonny sounded devastated.

Lisa shook her head.

“Did he tell you that himself?”

“No, Doctor Paddington informed me. I’ve not seen Clay for the past two days.”

“What happened?”

Lisa sighed and told Sonny what happened with Clay.

Sonny turned ashen at Lisa’s words. “But the doctor is sure he didn’t suffer from a stroke?”

“Yeah, as far as he could tell me this morning. They still had to do more tests.”

“This damage that you referred to?”

“The damage to the parietal lobe?”

“Yeah.”

Lisa sighed. “I’m not sure, I was going to do some research on it.”

Sonny nodded. He rubbed his hands nervously on his thighs. “Can I help?”

Lisa lowered her head. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you want to help, why do you care? Why now? Any one of them, all of them?” Lisa rose to her feet. “You hurt Clay, Sonny. You hurt him so bad. You totally disregarded him. Hell, you wanted to kill him and not once, not one time did you give him a chance, or listened to him. Not once, Sonny. Did you notice how many times he limped, how many times he braced his arms around his body? Did you see the way he shivered even when it wasn’t cold; the dark rings under his eyes, or his pasty color?” She paced the small space.

“The only time he was sort of okay was when you got spun up. For one or another reason he was relaxed when you went on a mission. I’m not sure if it was because he wanted to die and maybe looked forward to not returning, or what the reason might be.”

“I know, Lisa.”

Lisa latched out and kicked him on the shin. “You did nothing!” She screamed out of frustration.

Sonny got to his feet and pulled her to his chest. He held her tight as she started to sob in his arms. He didn’t say a word but merely held her even closer. Sonny closed his own eyes and made a silent promise to himself. One that he would later make to Lisa as well. He would make things right with Clay and he would make sure he was next to Clay for every step of the way during his rehab. This time he would not let Clay down.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN 1:** I'm not a medical practitioner and although I did some research I'm not saying that what is mentioned in this chapter is a hundred percent medically correct.
> 
>  **AN 2:** **PLEASE NOTE** This chapter will be the last one of this year. I will only update this story again in the year 2021.

Clay continued to stare at the doctor in front of him. He’d heard every word the man had told him, he understood everything fine, but nothing, not a single word the man said, made sense. He didn’t understand why it was impossible for his brain not to recognize simple items placed in front of him. He had no idea on why he had to hold it, feel it between his fingers, hell, even smell it, before his brain finally made the connection and supplied him with a name for the object and what you did with it. Clay closed his eyes for a second.

He’d never even heard of the parietal lobe before, but now he seems to suffer from something called associative agnosia. And all because there was damage done in one or other pathway in his brain that connected the occipital lobe with the parietal lobe. As a result, he could be kicked out of the Navy.

And of course, the seizures. The doctor wasn’t calling it epileptic seizures as yet, but he had another seizure earlier this morning. They added medication to see if they could put a stop to it, but Clay knew it wasn’t going to help. Maybe he should be more positive, but he’d been low on positivity for some time now. This was just what he needed. Clay ignored the man in front of him as he snorted. He didn’t even know why he was worried about not being in the Navy anymore. With all that had happened he was going to be kicked out in any case.

“Petty Officer Spenser?”

The doctor’s voice drew Clay out of his own thoughts. He looked up. “Clay, my name is Clay.” He needed to get used to the fact that he won’t be a petty officer for much longer. That he won’t be in the Navy for long. He stared at the doctor and then nodded. “I understand.” At least it appeared that his speech was not impaired and he had retained most of his memories. The only ones missing were from the training house incident, and there, he still had a general idea of what had happened.

Doctor Paddington looked at the young man in front of him. He couldn’t decipher what the man was thinking. His face remained stoic throughout his whole explanation.

“Do you have any questions?”

“When can I get out of here?”

Paddington shook his head. “Not for quite a while yet, I’m afraid. The pelvic fracture alone will keep you with us for a few more weeks. We have to make sure that the burns on your leg don’t get infected as well.”

Clay merely nodded.

“We will however start with in-patient physical therapy. Including occupational therapy and exercises to retrain your brain.”

“Why?” Clay asked with a frown.

Paddington returned the frown with one of his own. “I don’t understand?”

Clay shook his head. “Nothing.” He decided that he didn’t want to hear the answer, even if he didn’t pose the question. Clay leaned back against his pillow and closed his eyes. “I’m tired.” He didn’t say anything about the pain he was experiencing. He’d deal with that on his own.

The doctor rose to his feet and gently squeezed the young man’s shoulder. “I know it’s a lot to take in and to process, but we’re here for you. We’ll get you through this.” He sighed when he received no response. He made his way over to the door before he turned back again.

“NCIS agent Carville will come and see you tomorrow morning. He still needs to ask you some questions. However, if you’re not up to talking to him, I can tell him that he must come back another time.”

Clay didn’t respond and kept his eyes closed. He sighed when the door to his room was closed and he was left alone.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Following morning**

Richard Carville looked at his notebook and scribbled down some notes. He’d already gone over the events of the training house incident with Petty Officer Spenser, and although the young man couldn’t remember much, what he did remember, was consistent with what Senior Chief Perry told them. He’d also explained to Spenser, that he was no longer a suspect in the attempted murder of Perry. For a moment Spenser looked relieved, but then he became stoic again and merely nodded.

“Describe your relationship with Master Chief Meddings.” Richard took note of the way Spenser’s whole body tensed up for a second before he relaxed again. He’d also noticed the pain lines around the Spenser’s mouth and decided to keep the interview as short as possible. Doctor Paddington had warned him to take it easy with the young man.

For a moment Clay remained silent. He was still reeling inside on the fact that Ray had vouched for him. At least now his teammates couldn’t accuse him any longer of trying to kill Ray. But on the other hand, it didn’t matter anymore. He was no longer part of Bravo team. He was no longer a SEAL. The pain he experienced kept him awake most of the night and since he had nothing else to do, he’d reached the decision to make sure he got a medical discharge. He knew it was the coward’s way out, but he couldn’t get himself to care anymore.

He ignored the agent’s question as he asked one of his own. “Will Ray…” He bowed his head. “Will Senior Chief Perry be okay?”

Richard frowned upon hearing the question. He was under the impression that Spenser knew his teammate was doing much better, that he was even discharged. But then he remembered the conversation he had with Doctor Paddington. Spenser had panicked the last time his teammates were mentioned and he had no contact with any of his team members since he regained consciousness. He made a mental note to talk to the doctor about this.

“Perry is doing well. He has been discharged, and as far as I know, he’s back in the field.”

Clay nodded at the information. It seemed that their lives continued. He pushed down at the pity he wanted to feel for himself. They made sure he knew he wasn’t one of them and now this accident made sure he never will be part of them again.

“Spenser?” Richard asked as he realized that his question remained unanswered. When the man in the bed looked up at him, he repeated his question. “Can you describe your relationship with Master Chief Meddings?”

Clay cleared his throat. “To describe our relationship would be impossible, because there was no relationship. He busted my ass from the beginning. The harder he could do it, the better,” Clay responded bitterly.

“Busting your ass, as in trying to get you to do better, toughening you up?”

“As in trying to maim, or kill me.”

Richard became still. He looked up and stared at Clay. He found no indication that Clay was talking figuratively. “Did you report him?”

Clay cocked his head. “After the first month of trying to tell my _brothers_ , that Meddings was taking it too far, and being told to suck it up, I stopped.”

“Injuries?”

Clay focused his attention on the far wall. “It doesn’t matter, it’s all healed.”

“Did you receive medical treatment?”

Knowing that NCIS had the ability to pull his records, Clay nodded. “Dislocated shoulders, cracked ribs, fractured nose, concussions.”

“What reason did you give for the injuries?”

“Training accidents.”

Richard locked gazes with Clay. “This happened during training every time?”

“Master Chief Meddings loves one on one training sessions. _‘It hones your skills to near perfection’_.”

Something in the way Clay said the last sentence made Carville believe he was quoting the Master Chief.

“Why did you not take your concerns higher up?” He had to ask, but he knew what the answer was going to be even before the petty officer answered.

Clay looked at him with disbelief. “Do I look like a blue falcon to you?” Clay shook his head.

Richard nodded and let it go. “You indicated that you felt like he tried to kill you or maim you?” He received a nod as an answer.

“Any idea on why?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t take it personally.”

“That’s a weird thing to say.”

Clay cocked his head. “You do know who my father is?”

“You think because of your father, Meddings is targeting you?”

“I don’t know,” Clay said despondent.

Richard made a note. He would have to check out a possible connection between Meddings and Ashland Spenser. However, if that was the reason why Meddings targeted Clay, that man had more than a few screws loose.

“Do you have any idea on why Meddings would’ve tried to kill Senior Chief Perry?”

“I’ve been asking myself that same question and I’ve got no idea. They had a good relationship as far as I could tell.”

Richard closed his note book and pushed his pen into his shirt pocket. “There’s something else that I need to talk to you about. I am aware of the fact that your commanding officer also wanted to talk to you, but I am unsure when that will be. However, I think I should tell you what I know.” Richard cleared his throat when the petty officer remained quiet.

“SecNav called for an investigation into all DEVGRU units.”

“Why?” Clay’s eyes had grown large at the agent’s statement.

“The first doctor who treated you, Doctor Alex Goodwin, had spoken to a friend who works in the JAG offices; the lawyer took things up, and it ended with up SecNav.”

Clay bowed his head. Now it didn’t really matter that he might get medically discharged, the investigation called by SecNav just sunk his career on its own. No one would ever believe that he had nothing to do with it.

“It opened a whole lot of cans with worms. Several changes within DEVGRU already happened and a lot more are planned.”

“Fuck.” Clay closed his eyes. His hand shook as he brought it up towards his face.

“Bravo team has also been disbanded.”

Clay gasped and shook his head. His ears started ringing and his chest tightened up. When he tried to breathe, he found himself unable to. Clay clutched at his chest, his eyes large, his body trembled as he wheezed for air. An alarm above his head started to scream out in warning as dark spots danced around his vision. Clay was dimly aware that someone spoke to him, but the words sounded muted as if they were spoken underwater. A blurred face appeared in front of him, and Clay tried to blink, but it was as if his eyes didn’t want to comprehend the simple command. Something wet ran down his cheeks. His vision blurred, his breath hitched once again before his body went limp and he slumped back against the pillow as the arms of darkness enfolded around him.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Having had the opportunity to yell at the NCIS agent, even though he understood that the man only tried to help, Doctor Paddington had finally managed to calm himself down as he took his seat behind the desk. Spenser had suffered from a severe panic attack that caused him to lose consciousness. He was right outside the petty officer’s room when the alarm at the nurses’ station started crying and it took him less than five seconds to get into the room.

He'd tried to get his patient to calm down, but the petty officer was too far down the rabbit’s hole to turn back. If looks could kill, Agent Carville would’ve been a mere mound of ash. The agent had no right to talk to his patient about such complex issues. It was bad enough that the higher ups were breathing down his neck to gain access to Spenser, he had blocked them for as long as possible, then having a fool of an agent create chaos.

He was worried about his patient. He didn’t need any formal diagnoses of depression, but it was clear that Spenser was depressed. Knowing that he’s a SEAL meant having a psychologist talking to him, wasn’t going to work, unless Spenser wanted it to work.

The phone next to him brought him out of his musings as it rang. “Doctor Paddington,” he answered.

_“Good morning, Doctor Paddington. It’s Petty Officer Davis, speaking.”_

“Morning, Petty Officer,” Paddington returned the greeting. He missed the young woman around Spenser’s room. She was a good friend and would do anything to help his patient.

“What can I do for you?”

_“I know Clay said he didn’t want to see anyone of us, and I know you can’t tell me anything about his condition, but may I still ask how is he doing?”_

Paddington sighed. He wanted nothing more than to tell her what had transpired, but as she’d mentioned, he had no right to share anymore information with her. He had to keep the information he gave to her as general as possible. “He’s steadily getting better. It’s going to take some time for him to be up on his feet again, but he looks very stubborn, I’m sure that won’t be a problem for him.” He smiled when he heard Davis laughing.

 _“That is one of his many attributes.”_ Davis sighed.

“You sound troubled.”

_“I, we, want to help Clay in any way that we can. We’ve done some research, but I wondered if you’d be willing to explain to me exactly what problems Clay might experience with damage to the parietal lobe, perhaps refer me to any medical journals, research which I can look up to understand and maybe help?”_

He smiled as an idea formed in his head. “Let me explain to you what type of problems Clay might likely experience, and I can also email you a list of references that you can have a look at.” He would make sure he included everything he had on associative agnosia and seizures. He had a feeling Davis would pick up on that and do her own research on how to be of assistance to Spenser.

_“That is much appreciated. I’ve got a pen in hand, fire away.”_

Paddington leaned back in his chair and using understandable terms and, little as possible medical jargon, he explained what problems might be experienced. He also made a mental note to talk to Spenser again. The young man needed someone in his corner and he had a feeling that Petty Officer Davis, as well as Reynolds might be the right fit.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Lisa grinned as she ended the call. She booted up her laptop and opened a document and started documenting everything she and Doctor Paddington spoke about. She’d asked so many questions and had been grateful for the doctor’s patience.

When her email notification pinged, she opened it up immediately. She was surprised about the number or references doctor Paddington sent her way. It was much more than what she’d expected.

One thing she noticed was that there were a lot more references made and material to read on agnosia, especially associative agnosia than anything else. What was bothersome was the number of articles that also dealt with seizures. She had a feeling Clay hadn’t dodged that specific bullet. Lisa closed her eyes. It seemed like doctor Paddington was steering her in a specific direction. She saved and closed all the attachments and started a search on agnosia. She would find out whatever she could, then contact Brock, Sonny and maybe even the rest of the team so that they could all work on a plan of action in helping Clay. But first, she needed to understand what associative agnosia was, and how that, together with seizures would impact Clay’s life.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Sonny stared at the page he held between his fingers. His mind was going at a hundred miles an hour as he tried to comprehend what Davis told them, but more importantly showed them in an attempt to let them understand what Clay was facing.

“This sucks.” He tossed the paper onto the table.

“Agreed.” Brock looked at his drawings again and sighed.

“You sure this is what’s wrong with Clay?” Jason enquired.

Lisa nodded. “I’m as sure as what I can be without Doctor Paddington telling me directly what is wrong with Clay. But the fact that most of the references he referred me to deals with agnosia and seizures, makes me believe this is it.”

“In other words, Clay can copy this picture, like we can, but he’s unable to identify the object, unless he can touch it, or even smell it?” Ray picked up the orange Lisa had brought with her to demonstrate to them what agnosia was. Unfortunately, all of them understood seizures.

“Yes.”

“And there’s no cure for this, but with the help of exercises and occupational therapy, his condition might improve,” Trent informed the group. He had a bit more knowledge on the topic than the rest of them, but it still bothered him that Clay now had to struggle with something like this.

“I hate repeating myself, but this really sucks.” Sonny rose to his feet. “I mean, some things in life are not made to pick up, to have a look at it before you can recognize it. That’s dangerous.”

“What about surgery?” Lisa turned to Trent.

“It all depends on the lesions and the damage done to the pathways in his brain. If there’s a possibility that surgery might help, I suspect that they would take it up with Clay.”

“What about surgery for the seizures?” Sonny asked, his voice subdued.

“Same answer as before, Sonny.” Trent didn’t look optimistic.

“This will bench him for life.” Brock looked up.

Trent nodded and the team bowed their heads.

“Fuck!” Jason pushed to his feet and dragged his hand over his face. “And if we don’t make things right with him, he’s going to go through this alone.” He paced the room.

“We need to get to Clay.” Jason looked at his team.

“And how do you propose we do that?” Ray arched his brow at his best friend.

“We’re an assault team, Ray. We come up with a plan, and we execute the plan.”

“I like that.” Sonny grinned, while Trent and Brock nodded their heads.

“You in, Ray?” Jason asked.

Ray sat with his head bowed but then he rose to his feet. “We need a plan.”

Jason clapped his hands together. “You heard the man, we need a plan. Let’s get working.”

Lisa couldn’t help to grin. She had no idea what plan the guys would come up with, but she had no doubt in her mind that they would come up with something. The only question that remained was that when they succeeded in gaining access to Clay, if he’d allowed them the opportunity to talk to him, and also to apologize. She could only hope.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN 1:** Thank you for all the comments you’ve left on this story. I am behind in answering them, but I hope to get it done one of these good days.
> 
> **AN 2:** Medical terms and conditions are not my strong point. I’ve taken liberties and although I’ve tried to Google what I can, not everything is going to be correct.
> 
> **AN 3:** As always, the beta side of things was handled by [RoboFoxtrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoboFoxtrot). Thank you!

**Naval Base: 4 Days later**

Trent smiled from ear to ear as he jogged towards Jason and Sonny. Both of them had returned with Echo team from a mission and were still on their way to the cages when he stopped in front of them. He gave them a quick look over and was satisfied that neither of them appeared to be injured.

“What’s got you grinning like a Cheshire cat?” Jason inquired.

“Lucas is in.”

“What?” Sonny grinned. “That’s fantastic. Now we can finally see Tinkerbell.”

“Easy, Sonny. You’re going to fast, brother.” Trent held up his hand to calm his teammate down.

“How did you convince him?” Jason knew that when they first approached Lucas with the idea, he didn’t want anything to do with it.

“I didn’t. Seems that Davis did.”

“That’s our Davis.” Sonny grinned. Since that night at her apartment, he’d managed to spend more time with her. Their friendship was still not on par, but it was getting there fast.

“How did she do it?”

“I’m not sure. I know that Lucas grumbled a lot about Clay’s present therapist, and how he’s not what Clay needs. I was there when he phoned Bethesda and told them he worked on Clay before and he’ll be taking over Clay’s rehab.”

“And they just let him?” Sonny asked in awe.

Trent nodded. “Lucas can be as intimidating as Davis on a good day.”

“Do you know when he’ll be able to see Clay?”

“Not entirely sure, but he did say he wanted to go as soon as possible. Maybe even this afternoon. He’ll let me know when he’s had his first session with Clay,” Trent informed his friends.

“Have you told Ray and Brock yet?”

Trent nodded. “Found them together at the O-course.”

Sonny yawned. “I need to get some sleep.” He fist-bumped both of his brothers, hitched up his gear, and sauntered off.

Jason remained with Trent. “You look tired.”

Trent shrugged. “We’re running simulations for a mission at odd hours of the night, and I’m trying to find out everything possible on Clay’s condition. I’m spread a little thin.”

“Then let us help you, Trent. Tell us what we can do.”

“I will.” Trent slapped Jason on the shoulder. “Go and take a shower, Boss. You reek.” He scrunched up his nose.

Jason laughed, shook his head and walked away.

Trent bowed his head and let his shoulders sag. With Lucas on their side, he hoped that they would get more regular updates on Clay’s condition, and get a way in seeing Clay for themselves.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Bethesda Navy Hospital**

Clay closed his eyes and let the world fade away around him. He had completed his first session of physical therapy and it left him exhausted. What made it worse, was the fact that he didn’t like the therapist. Everything started off fine, and he seemed friendly, until he realized that Clay was a SEAL. Then his whole demeanor changed. When Clay indicated that he was hurting him, the man smiled and said Clay should suck it up, it was only going to get worse.

Instead of getting the man to stop, Clay kept quiet as the memories of how he got treated the last three months returned. He’d bitten hard into his bottom lip, tasted the blood against his tongue, but not once did he make a sound. It seemed to spur the therapist on, but Clay stubbornly refused to give in. He was forever grateful when the head nurse came in and frowned at the sight. They were looking for the therapist as it seemed he was running behind. It was only then that Clay realized that their time had expired. Clay was happy to see the back of him.

Now his body ached and his muscles trembled. It felt like he’d completed a marathon. Clay must’ve drifted off to sleep because when he opened his eyes again, it was almost dark outside. The nap did him good as his muscles no longer trembled, but his body still ached. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep again, not without some pain relief.

The door to his room opened and the nurse walked in. “Carlos really put you through the ringer today, didn’t he? You even slept through lunch. You must be hungry. Can I get you a snack perhaps, dinner isn’t for another hour and a half.”

The thought of food made him nauseous and Clay shook his head.

“Do you need anything else?”

“No, thank you,” Clay responded.

The nurse nodded and headed to the door.

“Sorry,” Clay called her back.

“Yes?”

“I’m not hungry. I don’t want to eat tonight. Would it be possible for me to get my pain relief medicine now and go to sleep?”

The nurse cocked her head. “I don’t see that being a problem. If you get hungry later on, I’ll make sure there’s a snack for you available. I’ll go and fetch the medication for you quickly.”

“Thank you.” Clay leaned back and closed his eyes. He wanted to get out of here. He would do what he had to, even if it meant more pain.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Bethesda Hospital: 2 Weeks later**

Lucas worked through the file he received on Clay. He was in a bad mood. There had been a mix up with his papers, which meant he could only officially start to work at Bethesda today. A whole two weeks later than what he’d expected. And he didn’t like what he’d read.

According to the therapist, Clay was making no progress. He didn’t participate actively in any of the exercises, and continued to be a hindrance in his own recovery.

But it didn't add up to what he knew about Clay. He knew Clay had the tendency to do too much and set himself back in his recovery by overextending himself. Clay would never fail to do his best. The report also didn’t correspond with the report drawn up by the occupational therapist. There the therapist couldn’t stop praising Clay for his dedication and hard work. He’d made a lot of progress in the last two weeks. With the help of the nursing staff, they’d started placing items Clay needed on the exact same spot, and through repetition, he’d now started to recognize the items even before he’d picked it up. For example, his water glass, or an apple, or orange.

Lucas picked up his phone. He needed more info, but not on Clay, he needed to know more about this therapist. Something was going on.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Reynolds Household**

Brock gingerly leaned back and tried not to groan out loud as the muscles in his shoulder protested at the slightest movement. The sling was hot and bothersome but he didn’t dare to take it off. Trent would skin him alive.

Cerberus came and sat down in front of him and the pup placed his paw on Brock’s knee.

“I’m all right, boy. It’s nothing serious.” Brock cringed at his own words. It was serious enough to sideline him for at least the next four to six weeks, but he took solace in the fact that it could’ve been so much worse. Yes, he needed surgery to repair the shoulder separation, but if he landed on his back, or his head, he would’ve been paralyzed, or even dead.

He looked up when Trent entered his living room. Brock looked longingly at the beer in Trent’s hand, but knew that alcohol was not on the menu. Not with the heavy-duty painkillers he was on.

“Our plan in getting Lucas to treat Clay just backfired.”

“What?” Brock sat forward with a grimace on his face. “Why, what happened?”

Trent glared at him. “You happened.”

Brock bowed his head. “Sorry.” He looked up. “Maybe it didn’t.” A small grin appeared on his face. “With the base hospital still closed, it means I’ll have to go to another hospital for physical therapy. Let’s get me slotted in with Lucas. Maybe between myself and Cerberus we can start to engage with Clay. If he then tells me to back off, I’ll do so, but he can’t stop me from getting treated at the same time when he’s with Lucas.”

Trent grinned. “That might actually work.”

Brock returned the smile. “What do you say, buddy, time to get Clay back into our lives?”

Cerberus barked once in agreement and the two men laughed.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

**Bethesda Naval Hospital: 1 week later**

Brock had to take a deep breath to calm himself before he entered the room. Cerberus had picked up on his nervousness and the pup appeared unsettled. Today would be the first time he would talk to Clay face to face in four months. Clay’s accident happened over a month and a half ago.

Lucas had prepared him for what he could expect when he saw Clay today. Their top therapist had three sessions with Clay, and according to Lucas, Clay had been very standoffish towards him each time. He also said that it could be because of something else, but when Brock had tried to talk to him about it, Lucas told him that he would sort it out, that it had nothing to do with Bravo. Brock didn’t like it, but there wasn't anything he could do about it.

Taking care not to jar his shoulder, Brock hunkered down next to Cerberus. “What do you say, boy, ready to see Clay?” He scratched the pup’s ears and grinned when Cerb gave him kisses all over his face.

“Yeah, I’m excited too.” Brock leaned back. “Remember what we talked about, okay? Clay was injured and he’s not feeling well. Don’t hurt him.”

It looked to Brock as if Cerb rolled his eyes at him. “Sorry, I know you’ll be careful.” He undid Cerb’s lease. “Go to Clay, Cerberus. Go.” The pup gave an excited yap and then darted off. Brock stayed where he was. He wanted Clay and Cerberus to have a proper reunion before he joined them.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

Clay leaned back against the wheelchair and closed his eyes. He hated being in the hospital, he wanted to get out of here. He had started to contemplate the possibility to sign out AMA, but as the days went by, he realized that it wouldn’t solve his problem, or the other fucking problem, that he’s been trying (very unsuccessfully) to ignore. He had no place to go, and even if he hated to admit it, he needed help doing simple everyday things. He was truly stuck here until he could at least walk by himself.

There was one light point in his life. His physical therapy was going well, since Lucas took over… Clay sighed softly. It seemed that he was still on God’s shitless as his previous therapist flunked out of BUDs twice and held a grudge against all SEALs. According to Lucas, he could’ve hampered Clay’s recovery severely if he continued with what he’d done.

Now things were better. He already had more range of movement and experienced less pain in the three times Lucas had worked on him than in the two weeks prior to that.

“Fuck,” he jerked his hand away and his eyes snapped open when something wet and cold touched his hand. He looked down and for a moment he was speechless. “Cerb?” Clay smiled and reached out and placed his hand on top of the dog’s head. His hand trembled and he gently tightened his fist around Cerb’s coat. The K9 stood perfectly still, his tail wagging while he had a big grin on his face.

“How are you, boy?” Clay finally managed to ask as he leaned forward and pressed his face against the top of Cerberus’ head. He breathed the dog’s scent in deeply and felt something inside of him uncoil. “I’ve missed you so much.” He sat there with Cerberus next to him for a long time before Clay took a deep breath and sat up straight. Clay kept his hand on Cerb’s coat.

“He has missed you too.” Brock leaned against the doorway, not coming in any closer. He had watched both man and pup for the past fifteen minutes. Brock held his breath as Clay looked up and stared at him.

“Brock,” Clay whispered the name and immediately looked down at his feet. He let go of Cerb’s coat and folded his hands in his lap.

“May I come in?” Brock inquired as he remained where he was.

Clay nodded but didn’t look up. Cerberus nudged his snout into Clay’s hand and looked up at him. It made him smile and he scratched the dog’s ears again.

Brock slowly made his way into the room and stopped a few paces from Clay’s chair. He watched as Clay continued to scratch Cerb’s ears while the dog looked like he was in heaven.

“What happened to your arm?” Clay asked without looking up.

“Repelling exercise gone wrong.”

“I’m sorry.”

Brock cocked his head. “Why are you sorry, Clay? It wasn’t your fault.”

Clay didn’t respond.

“And I’m the one who should apologize. Not you.” Brock took a step closer.

Clay tightened his hold on Cerb’s coat.

Block silently cursed himself and took a step back. It seemed to have worked as Clay relaxed again.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t you?” Brock moved back, dragged a chair closer and sat down. “I could see something was bothering you, Clay, and I should’ve pushed more. Every time we chatted; you became more distant. Your chats became shorter. I should’ve made sure you realized that you could talk to me – about anything. I failed you, brother. For that I am truly sorry.”

“It wouldn’t have changed things.” Clay still didn’t look up.

“I would’ve tried.”

Clay’s head snapped up. His blue eyes were filled with tears. “And you think, I didn’t? I tried each and every day, Brock. I tried talking to them, I tried showing them, I tried explaining, I even fucking begged them to listen to me. They brushed aside my fears. Told me that I’m imagining things, that I should not take it seriously, that I should walk it off. That I should stop complaining, that I should listen to what Master Chief Meddings has to say, as I could learn a lot from him.”

His shoulders sagged. “You would’ve told me the same, Brock. And where I didn’t get it at first, I do get it now. I wasn’t good enough; I will never be good enough. I’ve got only one goal left and that is to get out of here. The day I do that, I will disappear and none of you will ever have to see me again.” Clay let go of Cerberus’ coat and returned his hands to his lap.

Clay took a deep breath. His voice sounded brittle when he spoke again. “I don’t want to see any of you. I don’t want to talk to you again, please leave me alone.”

“Clay,” Brock had to try again.

“No.” Clay sounded broken. He reached for his left hand with his right, as a slight tingle developed in his fingers. “Just go!” he shouted. He knew what was coming from previous experiences, and he didn’t want Brock to see when it happened. He started feeling _weird_ , he wanted to panic, but had no idea if it was because of what was to come, or because of Brock being there. Clay had to blink rapidly as his vision blurred. His hand started to jerk, and it quickly spread to his arm.

Cerberus appeared next to him and the pup pressed himself as close as possible to Clay. He wanted to push the dog away, but Cerberus stayed where he was.

“Clay?”

Brock’s voice sounded far away and Clay was dimly aware of Brock coming closer and calling out for help just as his whole body stiffened up. After that things rapidly faded away.

**\--SEAL TEAM--**

The first thing that returned was his hearing. The sounds surrounding him were at a distance but came closer by the second. He could differentiate between different voices, but had no idea to who they belonged.

Someone touched his hair and Clay managed to raise his head just that fraction.

“Easy, you had a seizure, but you’re all right.”

Clay tried to talk, but couldn’t form the correct words. He tried again and grunted out of frustration. When he tried to push himself up, strong arms held him down, but without restricting him.

“You’re going to be dizzy for a while, just lay back and take it easy.” The voice was male.

Something wet pressed against his chin and Clay frowned. The movement was repeated and then a pair of soulful eyes appeared in front of him. Clay reached out and managed to touch the snout next to him. Both him and the dog sighed before Clay’s eyes closed again and he drifted off to sleep.

“You’ve seen this before with Clay.” Brock made it a statement as he stared at Clay’s sleeping form. Cerberus had settled down at Clay’s feet and it didn’t look like the pup would be moving soon.

“My third time,” Lucas responded. “The first time was when he realized I was here as his new physical therapist, and the second time after his last therapy session.”

Brock bowed his head. “Do you have any idea on the number of seizures he’s experiencing on a daily basis?” He found himself holding his breath.

Lucas moved away from where he stood at the foot end of Clay’s bed and took a seat on one of the visitor’s chairs. “They’re still trying to get the correct combination of drugs.”

Brock read between the lines. “His days as a SEAL are over.”

Lucas didn’t respond but the look on his face as he glanced at Clay said it all.

“Does he know?”

“That his career is over, or that he suffers from epilepsy?” Lucas came to his feet. “I’ve been told to submit a detailed report on his physical rehabilitation prognoses by the end of the week to the Medical Evaluation Board. I was informed to make sure to indicate what his chances are to operate on the level of a Tier One Operator again. I can promise you, Brock, reports were requested from every medical practitioner and health care worker that deals with Clay on a daily basis. Once MEB asks for reports, the Physical Evaluation Board is not far behind and when the PEB gets involved, you know they’re serious about things.”

“It hasn’t even been two months.”

Lucas merely shrugged. “Clay has been monitored the whole time. He’s suffering from what is called Focal to Bilateral Tonic-clonic seizures.”

At the look on Brock’s face, Lucas continued. “The terminology for seizures has changed. It was previously known as secondary generalized seizures. The seizures last between one to three minutes and, as in Clay’s situation, the person takes a bit longer to recover with symptoms of being confused, drowsy, sometimes even agitated.”

“Fuck.” Brock covered his face with his hands.

“Don’t give up hope, Brock. The moment you, or any of Bravo team gives up hope on Clay, he’s going to stop fighting. Don’t let that happen. He’s got a long and hard road ahead of him, make sure you’re there every step of the way.”

Brock nodded. He lifted his eyes and stared at his sleeping brother. “We won’t abandon him, not again. I only hope that later on he will let us be there for him.” He pushed down the reminder of the words Clay had uttered to him earlier.

“I’ve known Bravo for a number of years now, Brock. You’ve never given up on a teammate. You will not let him give up on you. Yes, there’s an enormous gorge between him and Bravo that you need to overcome, but give him time. More importantly, make sure he sees you giving him the support that he needs, and in the end, things might come right again. Just don’t make the mistake thinking that it will be the same as before, because that will never happen.”

Brock let his gaze linger for a while longer on Clay. Cerberus was still sleeping next to the young man and Brock made a silent vow. He will not fail Clay again.

Brock got pulled from his thoughts as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and frowned. “Jason?” He blanched at his brother’s words. “Roger that.” The call ended and Brock looked over at his sleeping brother.

“What’s going on?”

Brock focused on Lucas’ voice. He swallowed hard. “NCIS got in contact with Jason. Seems that Meddings went to the Base.”

“What, did they catch him?” Lucas rose to his feet. He’d moved away from Clay’s bed so as to not disturb the sleeping man.

“No.” Brock shook his head. “He disappeared.”

“What aren’t you telling me, Brock?”

Brock dragged his hand across his face. “Seems that he broke into the HR’s office. He’d ransacked the place.”

“What did he take?” Lucas frowned.

“Clay’s file is missing.”

Lucas blanched at Brock’s words. “There would be information on where Clay is at the moment.”

Brock nodded as he moved to the door and shut it. It couldn’t lock, but it was one extra obstacle that Meddings had to overcome before he could get close to Clay. But that wouldn’t happen. He wouldn’t let that happen. “NCIS is sending someone over to protect Clay.”

“And Bravo?”

Brock locked eyes with Lucas. “They’re on their way. Meddings will not get close to Clay. We will not let him. Clay is our brother and we protect our own.”


End file.
